Keep On Counting
by ADazzlingConspiracy
Summary: Rafael Barba is a hard-hitting lawyer. While he is a man married to his work, he lives in a universe where every human being is born with a countdown on their wrist. It counts down to the day when they met their soulmate. Ever since he was 8 he thought the concept was bullshit. Of course, that is until he meets Olivia Benson. / / Eventual Barson. Soulmate AU.
1. Time Goes By So Slowly

**I do not own Law and Order: SVU, any of the characters, nor the AU idea.**

I have been binge watching the 13th, 14th, and 15th seasons of SVU on Netflix. The moment Barba opened his mouth, I was in love. So, now I am on a fanfic reading frenzy. I haven't read fanfic for years nor have I written it. This is my shot at it once again.

Right now the fic will be a one shot until I figure out a definitive plot. (Ideas from the readers is most definitely encouraged!)

This AU is based on a soulmate post on tumblr.

Soulmate AUs are not a new concept but I haven't seen one for Barson. So here goes nothing!

This fic begins during the episode: _Twenty-Five Acts_

* * *

Barba was reluctant to roll out of bed after his alarm went off. He knew that today was _The Day._ The particular day when he was supposed to meet his soulmate. He had always scoffed at the idea. While many people thought that the whole notion of meeting your soulmate was romantic, Barba did not. He always told himself that his career was his soulmate, not some person who could get up and leave when they wanted. Not that he had particularly bad abandonment issues, he simply just did not trust many people. After all, romance was for the fragile hearted, un-driven folks. None of those attributes were in any way Rafael Barba.

Despite the fact that the black digital numbers of the countdown on the underside of his left wrist was now at 6 hours, he finally made his way out of bed and into the bathroom. He got ready for work, business as usual. " _What's the worst that can happen? It's just a dumb soulmate._ " He thought grabbing his suitcase and going out the door to work.

/ / /

Thankfully, business attire usually always had many layers of long sleeves no matter the weather. New York was in mid-summer, which wasn't comfortable by any means but the long sleeves protected him from looking down constantly at his wrist. Out of sight, out of mind.

/ / /

On his way to court he had recalled that Captain Harris, temporary cap of Manhattan SVU, was coming in today with two detectives from the squad to meet him. As he thought of the case a voice in the back of his mind whispered: _Whoever he brings with him today will probably be your soulmate._ He knew the names of the detectives: Benson and Rollins. However, he did not catch their genders. So for all he knew this soulmate could be a man. Which, he was fine with. He wasn't one to define himself. Sex he didn't have a problem with. Just this notion that soulmates are supposed to be the one you end up with annoyed him to no end. "I don't have time for this." Barba grumbled as he entered the court house.

/ / /

Before Barba entered into the court room, he caught a glimpse of the countdown: one hour, sixteen minutes, and five seconds. He rolled his eyes. "At least this court session isn't going to go on for long."

/ / /

"C'mon Barba, the vic was drunk and memory spotty. Aggravated assault." The defense attorney pleads as he's filing things into his briefcase.

"Your client – the jury takes one look at and they will convict him of kidnapping the Linburgh babies. So how about he takes ten and spares us all the humiliation." Barba retorts, with a gentle pat on the attorney's arm. _Ten seconds._

Defeated, the other man hangs head and mumbles, "I'll call you tomorrow."

Despite having the wit to hand his opponent's ass to him, he had butterflies in his gut as he moved toward Captain Harris and Co.

"Take your daughter to work day?" He joked.

As Harris introduced the two detectives, Barba held out his hand to Benson. The second they joined hands, Barba felt a jolt. My oh my was she beautiful but it was much more than that. This woman was his soulmate. He didn't need to look at his 00:00:00, he just knew.

" _Fuck._ " Barba thought to himself, quickly turning his attention toward Rollins.

* * *

Man, after writing this I really want to continue this. I don't have anything solid yet but I'm hoping something will come to me. Please let me know what you think or give me some pointers, anything is helpful! Also, if you are a Barson writer/shipper please direct toward your fanfic so I can read and review! Until next time ~


	2. Let's Get Down To Business

**A/N: I do not own Law and Order: SVU!**

 **This chapter doesn't have Olivia in it, just mention of her. This is me setting up the world they live in. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The only problem with the whole soulmate concept – besides the fact that it irked those who were not romantically driven – was that just because someone was your soulmate doesn't necessarily mean that you are their soulmate. Most of the time that is the case luckily. However, there are the unlucky folks who don't have that luxury. Barba was well aware of this fact. Which of course made him curious about Olivia's countdown. Was her countdown at zero now too? Was he her soulmate as well or was he "unlucky "? A sharp exhale passed his lips.

"Dammit. I don't have time for this." Pushing all thoughts of Olivia away, he attempted to focus on the case ahead of him.

This case dealing with the BDSM author was going to be a tough but definitely interesting. This soulmate business was not going to get in the way of his great record of getting convictions. After all he was a man married to his work. Soulmate or not, no man or woman was going to get in the way of the love of his job.

After a few hours of evening work in his office, he decided it was time to head home. Today had been a headache and a half, he needed to get to bed.

Barba had made it to his bed safely and was dozing off to sleep. In the odd in-between state of being awake and asleep he had dreams about Olivia. Nothing substantial, just small conversation and closeness. His brow furrowed. With great effort, he pulled himself out of the episodic mini dreams he was having.

" _Dios mio! I don't know anything about this woman. How can I be dreaming about her?!"_

Exasperated, he sat up and grabbed his laptop off the night stand. He promptly opened up his browser and typed in "soulmate" into the search bar. Millions of hits came up. Articles about celebrities who countdowns have stopped, dating websites – , quotes, etc. He clicked on the Wikipedia page. Not that it's the most credible source but it's good for some light, general reading.

First sentence of the article:

 **A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, friendship, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust.**

The article continued on with theories about the soulmate counter, philosophical ideas, history, literature, etc. No one knew when or where the countdowns came from. They've just always been there. At least since people started recording their history. Even Neanderthals depicted them having these countdowns on their wrists. However, they seemed to believe it counted down to their death instead of their love. Mankind wasn't always so romantic.

The first ones to grasp onto the idea were the Egyptians. Many tales were centered around this notion of soulmates and the countdown to meeting them. Despite the Egyptians noticing it first, it was the Europeans who claimed they had done so. They almost destroyed all the records of the Egyptian discovery but thankfully, archaeologists are crafty and creative people. They were able to save some of the hieroglyphs depicting their early discoveries. "Take that white man." Raf mumbled as he scrolled down the article.

He skimmed through some theories from the minds of Aristotle and Plato. Followed by the biological versus spiritual debate. There were theories and moral arguments as to why even serial killers have the soulmate countdown. He wasn't really interested in the theories. There's nothing to theorize: It's here, it's happening, it's what it is.

The section of the article that he truly interested in was the " _Unrequited Soulmate_ ".

 **Most of the time, 90.34% to be exact, find their soulmate at the same time. They become a SoulMatch. [34] However, the other 9.66% are not as fortunate. While they do find a soulmate, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are that person's soulmate. Experts are not quite sure as to why soulmates do not match up all the time. They speculate that perhaps the timing is not right or that someone else is going to have a bigger impact that that certain person's life.**

The article continued on about how this often causes psychological and depression issues. Barba wasn't in the mood to read through people blubbering about their unfair love life.

He scrolled down towards the end of the article where he noticed a small section titled " _Those Without Countdowns_ ". Odd. He had never once met nor heard of anyone without a countdown. Curiosity piqued, he read on.

 **Very rarely there are those born without countdowns. In the history of the modern world, 1900 onward, there have only been 500 documented cases of those without the countdown. [75] The doctors noticed those individuals immediately. There was nothing ever wrong with them. They were all perfectly functioning, they simply just did not have a countdown. In a few of the cases, people were driven to suicide due to extreme bullying. They often felt ostracized, so with no end in sight they took their own life. [76]**

 **Doctors calculate that there are approximately two or three individuals per continent without a countdown currently living today. [77] They are attempting to find if the cause of them not having a countdown is biological. However, since they aren't sure why the countdown even exists they may never know the real reason.**

At the end of the page before the citations he noticed another section titled " _New Findings_ ".

 **While the concept of soulmates has been with our species for thousands of years, we still do not know much about it. The lead researcher on these mysterious countdowns is Dr. Lexa Grayson. [78] She currently wrote an article for a medical journal about this phenomenon. "In my survey of 10, 000 individuals who have the countdown I have found that in 1 in 40 soulmate matches, those matches are not necessarily romantic. People are reporting that their soulmate is platonic in one way or other. Either that soulmate is their child, friend, or parent. Our ideas that this countdown is merely the means to the ultimate romantic relationship is outdated. Most of us have been in love more than once. We don't just love our romantic partners. We also love our kids, pets, moms, dads, etc. I believe that this countdown is merely telling us 'Hey! This person that you're going to meet or have already met is going to change your life in one way or another. Prepare for the ride!' I also believe that love cannot be measured by one countdown to one person. This person that you meet or are going to meet is important, don't get me wrong. But we don't ostracize ourselves to only one person. Remember that before you get too hyped up about this soulmate business." [79]**

After reading through the Wiki article he felt more at ease. While before he wasn't trying to worry about it, he definitely was worrying. After reading this, especially the final section he was relieved. "A friend, eh? Now that I can definitely live with." Barba closed the laptop and set is back down on his nightstand. Friendship he was by no means afraid of. He was likeable enough to have a good array of friends. He didn't mind the thought of adding another detective to the mix. "Just friends." Was his last thought before slipping into foggy dreams about Olivia. While he could fool himself all he wanted, his subconscious however had other plans.

* * *

 **Hmmm. What kind of soulmate will Olivia be? :-)**

 **Please leave some feedback. I take whatever I can get, good and bad!**


	3. No Rest For The Wicked

**I do not own Law and Order: SVU!**

* * *

After the thrilling night of pursuing Wikipedia articles, Barba nearly slept through his alarm. Despite being somewhat behind, he had a pep in his step. He was no longer overthinking this whole soulmate debacle. He felt like he was normal again. Back before the countdown even reached zero. As he waited for the water in his Keurig to heat up he went through his phone. He had a missed call from his mother. She attempted to call only 10 minutes ago. " _Odd._ " His brow furrowed.

As he called his mother back, slight panic rose up in his chest. He usually didn't hear from her until later in the morning or early afternoon. He really hoped nothing was wrong. Everything had just fallen back into a normal pace again. Not that it was out of whack long, he just appreciated when things rolled the way they were supposed.

Mama picked up on the third ring. "Rafael, how nice of you to finally pick up." She teased.

" _She's definitely perfectly fine_." He rolled his eyes but had a grin on his face.

"What's the problem, ma? I'm getting ready for work." The last word of the sentence was slightly cut off from him putting the coffee mug to his face and having a sip.

"You know very well why!" She seemed offended that he didn't know.

"Ma, what?"

"I'm calling because I had just remembered that your countdown stopped yesterday! I was expecting a call yesterday but I figured you were busy. Though I couldn't wait to hear the details." While he found her excitement endearing, he really wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Ever. Again.

"Oh, c'mon mom. You know I've never cared about the countdown. I get that you want grandkids, adopted or not. But you know romance and marriage were never my destiny. My one and only is my job." The number of times he explained this to her was in the double digits by now.

"Yes, Rafi. I know you love your job. I've heard it enough times. But save the speech. I want to know who they are, what they look like, where you met them, everything! You're not getting out of this one." The tone in her voice was playful but stern.

Barba groaned. He knew he wouldn't be able to get out of her interrogation. Though, he knew he could at least delay the inevitable. "Mom, I need to go to work. I'm already late. We can meet for lunch. _Te quiero_." Before she could get a word in he hung up. Later he would get a good scolding but he would have been on the phone for another twenty if he hadn't. He left the kitchen to go into his bathroom to start getting ready for work.

He got ready for work. It took him longer than it should have. He wasn't sure if he should go with the pink or purple tie to match his pink and purple socks. Eventually he decided on the pink one. It was one that his mom had bought him, so that'll soften the scolding he was due for later on at lunch. As he looked into the mirror to make sure his tie was straight his mind wandered to if he would see Olivia today. Of course he probably would since they're working together now. But what he was really after was to see her countdown. The desire for the truth is what will always drive Barba. Even in his own love life.

/ / /

On his way to his office he pulled his phone out of his suit jacket. He had two texts from his mother.

" **You're in trouble, mi nino."**

" **You better be at our favorite restaurant on time or else."**

With a grin on his face, he stopped at his door to text her back.

" **I promise to be there. Ready to spill my soul to the best mother on Earth."**

As he looked up from his phone he met eyes with Olivia. While it startled him, he didn't show it. "Hello Detective. You're here extremely early. Do you ever sleep?"

"Great see you're having a good morning, counselor." She motioned toward his phone and smiled sincerely.

He sucked in air quietly as he shoved his phone into his pocket. That smile wasn't like the one she gave him yesterday. This was a glimpse of who she was underneath the usual cop façade. He could see why she could be a heart-breaker. "Well, since you're here let's continue to go over the case."

They settled into his office and pulled out their notes. While they were going over the evidence and asking each other questions, Barba paid careful attention to her wrists. Of course, she too was wearing long sleeved attire. After 15 minutes of them discussing the case, she took her coat off – short sleeve shirt. There was nothing on her left wrist, the right was now up for examination. Another twenty minutes of them talking, she got up to leave. He extended his hand for a handshake. She shook his hand with her right now. There was no countdown. He quickly adverted his gaze back to her face. But nothing gets past her. She knew he was looking.

"Yep. I'm one of very rare ones who don't have a countdown. Leave it to me." She shrugged, putting her coat back on. "Have a good day counselor."

"I, uh, apologize detective. I didn't mean to pry. But, you have a good day too."

"I'll just have to use my impressive powers of being a detective to figure out who my soulmate is." She gave him another real smile before she turned to leave.

After she left, Barba buried his face in his hand while muttering swear words in Spanish _. "Just my luck. My soulmate is someone without a countdown. Mom isn't going to be happy about this."_

Despite the fact that he was going to have to explain all this to his mom, he totally blew the defense away in court in another case he was working on. That perp was going away for life. Maybe this soulmate business would be good for his career after all. Adding fuel to the fire that always burned.

/ / /

Barba joined his mother for lunch at their usual table that had the best view of the river. He handed her a bouquet of flowers and a kiss on her cheek. They exchanged pleasantries with the waiter that always requested their table when they came in during his shift.

"Well if it isn't my favorite, mother-son duo." He placed his hand on both their shoulders. His gaze never left Rafael. "What can I get for you two to drink?"

"Hello Arturo." They both greeted him.

"I'll just have a water." Raf said.

"I'll have the wine special." Momma Barba ordered.

"I'll be back for your orders." Arturo waved on his way back to the drink machine.

"Well if things don't work out with that soulmate of yours, you'll always have Arturo to fall back on." She smirked as she coyly looked out the window. "It's such a beautiful day out. Don't you agree Rafi?"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry for hanging up on you this morning. I needed to get to work. You know how our phone conversations get." Reaching across the table he patted her on the hand.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just don't want to tell your mother about this mystery person. But you are going to tell me. Here and now." She turned her gaze back toward him. There was a small smile tugging on the corners of her mouth but her eyes were completely serious.

Before he began relaying information about Olivia to his mother, Arturo came back to take their orders. They both ordered salads. Raf got a chicken salad and his mother ordered a Spanish salad. Arturo left for the time being. As he took a sip of his drink, his mother gave him an impatient look.

He sighed softly, pushing his drink away. "I met her at work. She is a detective for the Manhattan SVU. You know, the place I just transferred to as their ADA. I really don't know much about her. All I know is that the moment our hands met, that's when the countdown stopped and there was this…jolt. And I'm not telling you her name. You don't need to be snooping ma." He gave her a stern look for her not to push the subject any further.

"But Rafi! Can't I just know her name? What does she look like? I bet she's gorgeous."

"Mom, it really doesn't matter. She doesn't even have a countdown."

"Oh, mi nino." She whispered softly as a look astonishment flashed across her face.

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Gotta love our misfit ADA and detective. Our poor babies can't catch a break! :-(

I hope you enjoyed ~


	4. There's A Shark In The Water

**I do not own Law and Order: SVU.**

Writing this chapter was so much fun.  
Oh, Barson. What a treat you are :-)

* * *

A little over a month had passed since he told his mom about Olivia. Much to his surprise, she hasn't brought it up again since that day at lunch. In fact, it seems like she is avoiding the subject all together. Despite the time that has passed, he won't forget the pity and sadness glowing in her eyes that day. She had rambled on for a while about how love is messy and that that sometimes the counters don't always match you up correctly. He knew her intentions were pure. All she wanted was from him to have a family before she died. The concern she was showing for him being alone was a nice sentiment but being "alone" didn't bother him by any means. The conversation changed to other topics after their food came. Arturo kept dropping small hints that he was interested in Barba but he let him down lightly by pretending not to pick up on any of his flirting. He and his mother's conversations went back to normal after that day at lunch. Everything was going back to normal. The way he wanted it. But that's the thing about soulmates. They tend to take what you once knew, throw it all out the window, and catch it on fire.

The night before Barba was due to finally question Mr. Cain in open court, Olivia had decided to come into his office late that night. He was up putting questions and more evidence together. Time seemed to slip through the cracks while he was in his Last Minute Lawyer mode. In fact, so entrapped in his work that he didn't even hear Olivia open the door and stand in his doorway. It took her loudly clearing her throat to get his attention. Startled, he quickly looked up. As his brow furrowed, a frown formed. "The last time I checked the polite thing to do is to knock on someone's door and wait for the invitation. I mean, even vampires get that concept."

Olivia came into his office, plopping down into a chair. "In my defense, the door to your office was already open and I have been previously invited in. So, in vampire terms I think I'm on the VIP list."

"Hm. Fine. Just don't get too comfy. And don't even think about propping your feet up on my desk." He narrowed his eyes but with the smile growing on his face it made it hard to take him seriously.

She held her hands up in mock-surrender. "I might be a cop but I do have manners, Barba. Not sure the same could be said about ADAs."

"Haha, like I haven't been told I don't soul before. You gotta do better than that, Benson. While this surprise visit isn't being totally opposed, what is it that you need at 11:30 at night?" The guard he usually had up had come down slightly during their banter. But he knew he had to put the brakes on it quickly, while he still had some control of the situation.

"I'm just…worried about tomorrow. Everything is coming down to how the jury is going to perceive Cain. What if they don't take off their rose tinted glasses because he's a celebrity? Slimy yet powerful men like him have such an easy time slipping through the cracks in the justice system. Especially when it comes to rape charges. And with things now just settling down at SVU, a win would look great for us." The expression on her face was neutral. But her brown eyes told another story. She was very concerned about this. Probably more than she should be.

"If I already wasn't overly confident in myself and my abilities to wrangle in convictions like it's nobody's business, I would be offended. However, that is not the case. I know you are a protective mother bear and SVU is your cub. You would do anything to get justice for a case that comes through your department. That being said, I am the shark that needs its fill. Only in my case its sending scumbags like Cain to the depths of Riker's with no hope of getting out is how I get my fill. You protect, I defeat. So no need to nicely say that you're worried that I will fuck up. I won't. Cain will be a piece of cake." Barba flashed a vibrant full-toothed smile. Which, thankfully, also made Olivia smile back.

"Okay, I wouldn't have said 'You're gonna fuck up.' It would have been more along the lines of…"  
She paused. "Actually yeah. I was worried that you were going to fuck up a very high-profile case for us. You're new to the department. We don't take kindly to strangers."

"So I've noticed." He rolled his eyes but there was still a smile playing on his lips.

Olivia had gotten up out of her chair. "Go home counselor. You aren't going to mess up this case just because you overslept."

"Hey! This is my office. In here, I get to be mom." He stood up, gathering up his belongings and notes. "You need to go home to get some rest because you'll have front row seats of me exposing Cain for the monster that he really is. You'll need at least 7 hours to deal with the sheer badassery of it all." Barba shrugged as if to state: "What can I say? I'm great."

"Badassery? If you use words like that it seems like you're spending too much time on social media trying to keep up with the lingo of the cool kids instead of putting together a credible, strong case. Now I'm worried about tomorrow again." Olivia frowned but her eyes remained playful.

"Now, C'mon. There's nothing wrong with keeping up with the ever-changing linguistics of human beings. If I want to be a good lawyer, I need to be able grasp onto little things like language patterns. Trust me, badassery is a valid, crime-solving word." During their teasing, he had gathered up all his things and headed toward the door. "Vampires first." Gesturing toward the door as he shrugged his over-coat on.

They walked out together. Barba was surprised by the easiness of it all. He had only known her for a month. Her personal life was a complete mystery to him. Despite being nothing more than acquaintances, he felt comfortable around her. This is what probably made her so great with witnesses. She had this way of making you feel like you were in a safe place and you were allowed to let your walls down. This quality was something he valued in her as her co-worker in bringing down the vile scumbags of the world. But when it came to his own personal feelings, this quality scared him.

They ended up sharing a cab. They made jokes along the lines of: "Oh, if you wanted to see my apartment that badly, you could have just asked." He had made it a point of making sure the driver dropped her off before himself. He wanted to pay the fare. Of course, she fought him on it when they got to her apartment. Eventually he won by convincing her that she could buy him a drink next time the gang needed to let lose. Reluctantly, she agreed. Barba made it to his apartment safe and sound, going to bed almost directly after getting home.

/ / /

Questioning Cain was going to be a trip. But a helluva fun trip. He carefully baited the creep and backed him into a corner. Cain, just as Barba planned, fell into the belt trap with ease. Barba removed his belt, as he continued to taunt the sexual sadist. He knew that if he could get Cain to lose his cool in front of the jury, they would find him guilty. Cain fell into the trap with ease. As Cain gripped the belt tightly and pulled, a flash of a smirk crossed his face before he had to fight for air. Cain was going down.

After the jury took their time on deciding, the verdict came back as guilty. After they delivered the guilty sentence, he turned to look behind him at Olivia. Both of their faces were neutral. Barba nodded and received one back. In that moment he knew that Olivia had accepted him as one of their own. The moment where she knew she could count on him and vice versa.

* * *

I think that makes up for the sadness of the last chapter!  
I hope you all enjoy ~


	5. I Will Be Seeing You In My Dreams

**I do not own Law and Order: SVU!**

* * *

About a week after Barba slam dunking Cain, they had a new complaining witness. She was a sports reporter with secrets. Directly after she was finished at the station Olivia texted Barba telling him they have a new high profile case and that they were on their way over. He was just about to leave for an early lunch but already in their new acquaintanceship, he had a hard time telling Olivia no. He texted her back saying he'd be in his office. His stomach growled in protest.

Once they were here, they jumped right into building a case against this sleazy cameraman. Avery had secrets, however. Which didn't surprise Barba but it still slightly irked him. He pushed her to reveal everything she was hiding. She was having an affair with the anchorman. Good. At least this wasn't going to be a boring case.

After about an hour of asking her questions and making sure she wasn't hiding anything else, they got up to leave. As they were on the way out, Barba stopped Olivia.

"Spend some alone time with her. We need everything we can to get the jury to see her as victim. Especially after the revelation of sleeping with the anchorman. Also, could we meet up later so I could get copies of your notes?"

Olivia hesitated before answering. "I know, Barba. I will. And what time were you thinking?"

He narrowed his brow suspiciously. "If you have plans, it's alright. You can just give them to me tomorrow if it's easier for you. I just wanted to get a head start on building this case."

"I was tossing around the possibility of making plans with someone but they haven't given me a concrete answer, so I'll take you up on your offer."

Rafael did his best to ignore the small hint of disappointment in her voice. He just wanted to get his work done. "Meet me here at 7. We'll figure something out."

She nodded before joining Rollins and Avery out in the hallway. Barba promptly shut his door. He buried himself in another case, putting together last minute notes. In an hour he had to be in court. Again, his stomach growled. " _Dammit,Olivia."_ He thought, popping a piece of gum into his mouth to curb the hunger.

Court was a pain in the ass. Not only was he in a particularly hostile mood but the defendant's attorney had an objection every two seconds. It got to the point where even the judge told the attorney to shut up. "Thank you." Barba mouthed at the judge before continuing on with the questions. Finally, after several hours of questioning shitty witnesses the defense had picked and that obnoxious defense attorney himself, the judge called that they end there for the day.

By the time he got back to his office, it was nearly six o'clock. He made another cup of coffee before settling down at his desk. He went over his notes for the case he was just in court for. He going to send the defendant away for a long time for what he did. He was a fairly famous baseball player who had killed his girlfriend in cold blood. Then when Barba got the prick convicted he was going to rub it into his idiotic attorney's face. " _I swear to god, if I hear objection more time I'm going to need a lawyer._ " Barba took a sip of his lukewarm coffee. He grimaced. It was bitter, just like him.

Barba collected all of belongings. Just as he shrugged his coat on, there was a knock at the door. "Come in." He said sharply. Who the hell is it?

Olivia came in cautiously, not going past the threshold.

"Oh, detective. I forgot we were meeting tonight. Shitty day."

"I can go. I can just give you everything I have tomorrow." She turned to go.

"Wait, no. Let's go to the bar down the street." The expression on his face softened.

Olivia smiled as she nodded. He picked up his briefcase, turned off the light, and out they went.

The bar they went to was small but nice. There were no loud, angry drunks. Not many people were in the bar so it was quiet with soft 80's tunes in the background. They sat at the bar. Barba ordered a scotch and Olivia got cabernet. He sucked down his scotch in a few gulps. The bar tender gave him another one quickly. He took their orders while standing there: Barba got salmon and Olivia got a burger and fries. There was no holding back tonight.

"Judging how fast you guzzled down that scotch I would guess that today was pretty shitty." She sipped her wine, watching him take another swig of his scotch.

"I wasn't kidding. I haven't eaten a damn thing today and the lawyer defending that baseball player is a real piece of work. Every time I asked a question, he had some kind of objection." He shook his head. "Did you talk to Avery today?"

"Yes, I did. But we can talk about the case later. Let's just be normal people right now." There was that sincere smile again. Whatever mood he was in before didn't matter now. Though that might be the scotch talking. Either way, it didn't matter.

Barba took his coat off, rolled up his sleeves, and loosened his tie. He began jabbering on about some news story he saw on the news earlier. With two scotches sitting in his empty belly, it was beginning to take its effect. Oliva finished her wine and was drinking her second one. While she didn't have a particularly hard day, she was following Barba's lead. If he was letting his hair down so to speak, then she would too.

Once their food came and Barba had another scotch working its magic, the topic of the squad came up. Olivia told him all she knew about all of them. Where they came from, where they worked before, their relationships, etc.

"You know, you and I are a lot alike. We would rather talk about other people and their problems than talk about ourselves. Does that make us selfless or guarded?" Barba shrugged, as he dug into his food.

"I'm not sure," Olivia began before taking a bite of her burger. "Maybe a little bit of both."

Their conversation quieted down as they ate their food. Olivia finished another glass of wine. They both were working on their fourth. As Barba extended his arm to wave down the bartender, she noticed that his countdown was at zero. It was still fresh too. After six months, countdowns eventually dull in color like an aged tattoo.

"Congratulations, by the way." After she finished her burger, she brought the conversation back up.

Bewilderment flooded his face. "On what? Being drunk and full?"

"No. Finding your soulmate." She said motioning to his wrist.

His smile disappeared and he looked back down at his food. "It's really nothing great. I would rather not know." He shoveled another piece of food into his mouth, hoping she would drop the subject.

"In a way it is nice not knowing. But at the same time, it isn't. I met one person who I thought was my soulmate but I guess I was wrong because they just disappeared without a goodbye." Sadness swept across her face. "Maybe if I had a countdown to tell me who was worth fighting for, I would have not fought so hard for him."

"Soulmate or not, you shouldn't just disappear on someone you care about. While I'm sure that person meant a lot to you, obviously they didn't deserve it. You have plenty of people who care about you. Don't focus on the one person who walked away while you have a mini-army of people who would fight wars for you." He moved closer toward her and placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Maybe that's why you don't have a countdown. You were destined to have many people love you." Despite realizing that everything he said was cheesy as all hell, he was thankful he had alcohol in his system to actually say it.

The way she looked at him took his breath away, just for a moment. She was smiling, but she was also incredibly grateful for his words. The urge to kiss her then and there was overwhelming. He quickly moved his hand away from her shoulder and scooted back into his chair.

"Thank you Rafael. I needed that. People usually avoid the subject of Elliot all together. I mean, I do it too but sometimes I think that I'm not completely over it because I haven't talked about it enough." This time it was her who placed her hand on his shoulder. She removed it after a few moments.

Barba had another scotch as Olivia talked about Elliot. She told him everything he needed to know about Elliot: his family, some of their cases together, and even the romantic and sexual feelings she harbored for him in all their years together. He didn't say a thing, he just listened. Which is all Olivia wanted.

By the time 11 rolled around, Barba was completely wasted. He barely remembered Olivia paying for the meal and getting him into the cab. He does however remember Olivia walking him into his condo. She dug the keys out of his pocket and helped him inside. It had been so long since he's been this plastered. She led him to his bedroom. He sat on his bed, attempting to get his suit coat off. Instead of watching him struggle, she helped him out of his coat. She also took off his tie and shoes. Within seconds, he was face down in his pillows with his eyes closed.

"Thank you." He slurred. "I'm glad you're the one." His words trailed off into steady breathes. He was out.

Olivia suddenly felt very sober. What did that mean? "You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow."

She turned off his bedroom light and left his home. The rest of her ride home was wondering what in the hell he meant by "I'm glad you're the one."

* * *

 **Uhoh! Barba made an oopsie!**

 **Sorry to those hoping for some Barson makeout sessions. ;)**  
 **This fic is going to be a slow burn.**  
 **But trust me, it will be worth it when the time comes.**  
 **I hope you enjoyed ~**


	6. Shock To Your System

**I do not own Law and Order: SVU!**

* * *

Despite meeting a few times to discuss the case for Avery, Olivia and Barba didn't actually work together again until October. Barba hadn't seen Olivia since mid-September. Neither of them had brought up what happened that night at the bar. Their last few visits were strictly professional with a few snarky banterings. Barba was happy that he was going to be seeing Olivia again. However the circumstance of them working together again, wasn't so great: There was a young girl missing who was in the hands of a pedophile. The thought of it made his skin crawl. Most of the cases he worked on were cringe worthy but the ones with child victims always took a hard toll.

The night they all received the new case, Barba was in his office late. He probably wasn't going to be able to sleep a full night until the girl was found. There wasn't much he could do for the case at this point, so he worked on a few other cases that he was given. A few of them he was going to pass off onto other ADAs because he could win them in his sleep. His boss should know better than to dare give him rookie work. After sorting through the files, he decided to go to a bar to unwind a bit.

He decided on going to one a few blocks away to avoid finding anyone he knew. However, he was not so lucky. At the bar sat Amaro. He had an empty glass in front of him along with a file opened. His usual nicely kept hair was going in various different directions, his tie was crooked, and shirt unbuttoned. This case was probably driving him nuts. It made Rafael want to puke but Nick had a daughter. He couldn't even imagine how he felt. Though usually Barba would have just sat out of sight, this time he approached Nick. He didn't know much about him besides that he was hot-headed but dedicated.

"Mind if join you?" Barba asked, gesturing to the open seat.

Nick was shocked at first but he offered a lop-sided smile. "Sure, counselor. Knock yourself out."

As he was sitting he asked the bartender for a scotch. "Can I buy you another drink? It looks like you need it."

"Ah, no, Barba. It's alright."

"I insist. While alcoholism isn't a good habit to pick up, I think after a day like today you deserve it."

Nick chuckled and nodded. "Fine. I'll have another whiskey."

After both got their drinks they made small talk: weather, sports, and how the news anchor had a bad comb over. During their small talk, they had both finished their drinks. Barba motioned the bartender for two more. Nick knew he probably shouldn't have another but he was actually thinking about something other than this case. Nick noted that Barba had a fresh countdown still. While he usually tried to keep his nose out of the whole soulmate business, it was a normal thing to look at other people's countdowns. He couldn't help but wonder if it was someone on the squad. Nick's countdown had stopped when his daughter was born. Every time he thought of Zara his heart hurt. He was forced to be away from his number one. He took another swig of whiskey.

"I hate cases like this. They are always so unpredictable. I probably won't sleep until we find this poor girl." Nick grimaced at the thought of the case.

"And that's why we're here isn't it? Though despite that, you guys will find her. And I will send the bastard who did this to the depths of Riker's." Barba gave Nick a reassuring smile.

With low inhibitions, Nick started talking about Zara. He went on about all her favorite things to do, what animals she likes, the foods she hates, the whole nine yards. He even told him that Zara was the reason his countdown stopped. She was the literal light of his life and he wouldn't have it any other way. Barba shifted in his chair when the topic of soulmates came up. "Every damn time I get drunk with these people this topic comes up." Barba thought with a small grimace.

Nick noted how quickly his demeanor changed when the topic of soulmates came up and smirked: It was definitely someone they worked with. "I see that yours only recently stopped. You have kids?" Nick hiccuped, carefully watching Barba's reaction.

He tensed slightly. "Uh, no. I don't have kids. They aren't really my cup of tea. I prefer to think of my job as my child."

"So it's probably someone we work with? I'm being nosey as fuck right now but it's my job. It just gets worse when I'm buzzed." A light hearted laugh came from Nick.

"I am not nearly drunk enough to tell you that. Better luck next time, detective." Barba shook his head but he was smiling.

For now, Nick dropped the subject. He and Barba bonded over their shared Hispanic heritage. They started telling their favorite Spanish jokes. Barba closed the tab and paid for Nick's other drink he got before he came. Afterward, he bid Nick farewell as the time creeped toward midnight. "Try to get some sleep tonight, Amaro."

"You too, counselor. Thanks for the drinks." Nick waved as Barba exited the bar.

/ / /

They all worked on this case diligently. They always did but when children were involved they always hustled harder than ever. This is what got them to bring children home safely. Luckily, that diligence is what not only saved the initial missing girl but also reunited another with her family within a matter of days. This case was one of the good ones that made the job worth it.

During the few days they spent on the case, Nick watched Barba's interactions with the other squad members carefully. Barba's countdown was slightly aged but definitely not anywhere near six months or more yet. He had determined that if it was three months that had gone by, which matched the aging of the countdown, then that was when he had met everyone in the squad. While it definitely wasn't him that left a few others: Amanda, Olivia, Fin, and Munch. He immediately excluded Munch and Fin. It's not that they don't deserve love too, it was just that they weren't a match for Barba, at all. So that left Amanda and Olivia. This is where he was stuck at for the time being. Not that it was any of his business, he couldn't help but be curious.

/ / /

Soon after the case they had with the girl who was kidnapped, they were pulled into a case where a teacher at a profound private school was accused of rape and ultimately hung himself. Right off the bat, Barba knew this case wasn't going to be easy. So many of the boys were well past their twenties and the statutes of limitations. Without a useable witness, Barba was about to drop the case. Before he could, Olivia talked him into going with her to talk to people within the faculty.

Barba got into Olivia's car. He buckled as she pulled away from the curb. They made small talk about the weather. Olivia was grateful for the cool down but wasn't looking forward to another New York winter. Barba agreed.

After a few moments of silence, Barba began fiddling with the radio. "Hey! I was listening to that." Olivia frowned, looking at Barba for a second.

"C'mon. It's The Stones. Not like you're missing anything important." Despite the eye roll, he was smiling. He settled on a Gene Autry song on another oldies station.

She shot him a baffled look before returning her eyes to the road. "Really? You'll listen to Gene Autry but not the Rolling Stones?"

" _ **Ooo, I've got spurs that jingle jangle jingle**_." Barba sang along with Autry's version of the song.

Olivia groaned. "I'm never getting in a car with you again."

For the rest of the trip Barba continued to pick the music. A few times Olivia shot him annoyed looks. He pretended not to notice as he sang along to the songs.

/ / /

Even after the meeting with the headmaster and some of the faculty, he was reluctant to pursue the case. He expressed his concern before they got into the car. Without much fight, she yet again convinced him to continue with the case. He gave her a stern look before she got into the car.

On the way back into the city, Olivia made it clear that she was to pick the music. Barba held up his hands. He offered no fight against her.

/ / /

Despite the shaky start of the case, they eventually got the ammunition they needed to take down the school and make them publicly apologize. While that couldn't take the years of pain they inflicted onto these boys, at least they could begin their healing process.

/ / /

Several months and cases have passed since the private school debacle. Christmas quickly came and went. January passed slowly. The cold was bitter and ever-lasting. Barba kept swearing to himself that he needed to move down south. January finally lapsed into February. Even the end of February was in sight. Barba kept telling himself "only a few more weeks" every time get got out of the warmth of a cab and into the frigid air.

Barba's feelings for Olivia grew as each case passed. As January rolled around, they had established a good friendship. They spent a decent enough time together. Most of their meetings had an air of professionalism to them but they always turned friendly. They got to know each other slowly, but surely.

Now with spring around the corner, they had a big demon to wrangle: The Ganzel case. Barba and Cassidy had a few sessions of going over questions and answers. Today was their first run at the questions. Cassidy's care-free attitude began to get under his skin by the middle of his session.

"Look, Cassidy. If you want this trail to go very well, you need to start taking these questions a bit more seriously." While Barba wasn't the most serious person in the world, he still took his job seriously. Especially cases as big as this. He just wasn't a fan of people who acted like college students when they were grown ass adults.

Cassidy rolled his eyes. "C'mon, man. It's just practice. This the time for not taking it too seriously and just getting some of the questions and answers in an order. Ganzel's going down no matter what."

"Well, I need you to seem credible and you goofing around like this some kind of carnival is not helping your case. You slept with prostitutes. That says a lot more about you than it does them. I get it, you were undercover. But the jury won't necessarily see it that way. If you don't take this like it's a life and death situation they will put you in the same boat as Ganzel. Understand?" Rafael was seething at this point. "We're done for the day." Barba collected his things and left the courtroom as Cassidy stared on in shock.

/ / /

After his rough day with Cassidy he went home early. He wasn't going to do a damn thing except lounge around in his skives. Which he did just that. He spent the day channel surfing and watching random bits of various television shows. Somewhere in the middle of watching Ancient Aliens, he drifted off to sleep.

Barba slept for a good two hours. He would have slept longer if it wasn't for his phone ringing.

"Hello." His voice gruff yet quiet.

The other person was silent for a moment. "Were you sleeping Rafael? It's only 6 pm."

"I was napping, not that it's any of your business Liv. What do you want? I was having a nice dream that you so graciously woke me up from." Rafael sat up, massaging his neck.

"Wow. You must pretty old to be taking naps." She tsked. "But I was calling to say that I'm going to be over soon. I have a few notes and cases to run by you. I'll be there in about 5 minutes." She hung up before he could say anything.

"Shit." He leapt off the couch and went into the bathroom. He washed his face and ran a comb through his hair. As he was pulling on jeans and a white t-shirt, there was a knock at the door. "It's open." He yelled as he zipped up his fly.

He went out into the living room. "Now what would you have done if I wasn't home?" He glared at Olivia as she took her shoes off.

"I know you better than that Barba." She retorted, going past him and onto his couch.

He sat next to her. "What is so important that you needed me to look at it right this very second?"

"Just some last minute collaborating for the Ganzel trail. Also Avery's trail is coming up. Not to mention the case for the girl who was kidnapped by that Peter guy a few months back. Basically just making sure that you have all my notes. "

Barba grabbed his briefcase off the floor. He pulled out his notes, setting them on the coffee table. Before they got down to business he got up to grab two glasses and a bottle of wine. He brought it over and set it between them. "I wasn't planning on working again tonight. But with some liquid courage I should be able to push through it. Do you want some?" She nodded. He poured them both very full glasses. "Well, let's get to work."

Hours passed that were full of getting their notes in check, watching The History channel, and wine drinking. This was Olivia's plan all along. She wanted to get Barba drunk again. She needed to know what he meant by "I'm glad you're the one" all those months ago. She had an inkling but refused it to be true until she heard him say it. Not to mention, Nick had told her that he believed that either her or Rollins was Barba's soulmate. The timeline was right. She told Nick not to worry about it. She would figure it out.

She was buzzed herself but Barba was getting to the point of no return. Even though she came here with an agenda, she was having fun. She tried a few times to get him to talk about soulmates, but each time he shut it down. By the time she managed to get another glass of wine into him, she was far passed buzzed. It was also time to get going. She told him that she was going to leave and he nodded. He had more work to do tomorrow as well. He walked her to the door. Before she walked out, she noticed a strange look on his face.

"Why do you have that look on your face?"

A shaky breath passed his lips. "Because I –" He trailed off. "Nevermind. I'll see you tomorrow."

Before he could turn to leave, she grabbed his arm, closing the gap between them by a few inches. "No, tell me."

Suddenly, he got irritated. "It's nothing, Olivia. Just let it go, okay?"

"No, just tell me." Her eyes narrowed as her grip on his arm tightened.

"Augh! You're so damn stubborn. Just drop it." A shiver went through his body.

"Oh and you aren't stubborn? Takes one to know one, Barba. Just tell me. It's obviously bothering you. So spill it!"

"Oh, that's rich coming from you. You ask people every day to spill their souls to you but anyone asks your favorite color, you shut down." He gritted his teeth, daring her retort.

"Jesus, Raf. Why are you getting so defensive? All I asked was what was wrong." She loosened her grip on his arm but didn't move away.

"What's wrong is that I've wanted to kiss you since fucking October." He regretted it as soon as he said it. But at least it was out in the open now. Done and over with. "Happy now?"

To his surprise, she nodded. Just as she was about to move toward the door, he closed the remaining few inches between them. They simply stared at the other for a few moments. Auto-pilot commenced. Before he knew it, her beautiful stupid face was in his hands and he kissed her like he couldn't live without her. He kissed her like she was the oxygen coursing through his veins, the beat of his heart, the stitching that brought his soul back together again. Because she was all of those things and more. She was the reason why love songs became bearable, the reason why Valentine's Day wasn't another day on the calendar, the reason why he couldn't imagine a life without her. Her moan is what broke him out of his trance. He hadn't even realized her was kissing her neck and grinding against her. He pulled himself away. "Now you understand." His voice was low and dripping with lust but he wouldn't let this happen tonight. "Goodnight, detective."

After she caught her breath, she nodded. "Goodnight, counselor."

/ / /

The next day he practiced with Cassidy again. Thankfully this time around, he was taking it much more seriously. After his practice with Cassidy, he was in and out of court all day. Just as he was about to go to bed that night, he got a call that Cassidy had been accused of rape. He went to bed pissed, to say the least.

/ / /

The following day, he had a text from Oliva saying that they needed to talk. Later on in the afternoon, Olivia came by with Nick. They started discussing Cassidy's rape case. However, the conversation took a turn. It came up that Olivia is involved with Cassidy. Barba got eerily quiet. "Nick, could I have a moment to talk to Olivia?" Nick didn't question it, he left. Barba stood up, glaring at Olivia.

"You're involved with him? Why didn't that come up the other night?" He growled, pacing the room with his arms behind his back. "I would have _**never**_ kissed you if I knew you were in a relationship! Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you push me away, dammit!" Anger swelled in his chest. The last few words came out as yelling.

"I should have told you. I don't know why I didn't tell you. I will tell Cassidy that I had a minor indiscretion. I'm sorry you got pulled into the middle of this. I…I didn't know you had feelings for me." Olivia pleaded, walking toward him.

"Bullshit! I remember you bringing up the subject of soulmates. You damn well knew how I felt or at least, how I was going to feel. I didn't want to have romantic feelings for you. I fought them every step of the way. You came to my condo on a fishing expedition. Congratulations! You caught me!" He threw his arms up in the air. "Now get the hell out of my office."

Olivia left without an argument. Barba sunk down into his chair. Leaning back in his chair, he gazed at the ceiling hoping that would stop the impending threat of tears.

* * *

 **I almost cried while writing this. I'm so sorry, omg.**  
 **My poor babies. :'(**  
 **(Sorry, I have to torture characters first. These precious babies never stood a chance...but it will get better I promise!)**


	7. Reign Of The Dark King

**I do not own Law & Order: SVU.**

* * *

After Cassidy was cleared of rape, Olivia was finally able to have down time with him. They met up to have some drinks and eat at a bar a few blocks from Olivia's apartment. While they could have easily met at her place, she just needed to someone else that wasn't her apartment or work. Cassidy was in high spirits that night. She was grateful for this because she was going to come clean about kissing Rafael.

Once Cassidy had a few beers in him and had eaten Olivia cleared her throat. "So, I have something I need to talk to you about."

He smiled lazily. "And what's that, babe?"

She let out a shaky breath. "Well, before you were accused of rape I got drunk and I…kissed someone. It was just a small peck and didn't mean anything. It was completely an accident." While that wasn't the absolute truth but it wasn't exactly a lie either. Leaving out the part where she wanted to jump into bed with Barba was in her best interest at this moment.

Cassidy's smile twisted into a disgruntled frown. "Who?"

"That doesn't matter. I told you because I felt it was the right thing to do."

"It's someone you work with isn't it? Don't fucking tell me it's that Nick punk." It came out as more of a growl than actual words.

"No, it's no one I work with. I was at the bar and some guy asked me to dance. It was just a spur of the moment thing, ya know? I'm sorry."

Cassidy was quiet for a several beats. He took a few drinks of beer and looked out the window. "It's fine, Liv. We both know I'm no saint either. While I'm pissed that it happened, I'm glad you came clean about it. Plus it was just a little peck right? That's almost like kissing your grandma." He chuckled at his own lame joke.

Olivia swallowed hard. Grinding and neck kissing wasn't innocent by any means but he didn't need to know that. The basis of the truth was out. No one needed to know the details. The rest of their date was quiet and uneventful.

/ / /

Work has been a nightmare lately. The cases were going horribly and Barba avoided her like she had the plague. They ended up losing the case for Avery and her baby. Her rapist even had visitation rights. This case horrible for the start, all those months ago. But after going through so much for so long, it sickened Olivia that the bastard got away with it.

She wanted nothing more than to talk to Rafael about it. But she knew that wasn't going to happen for awhile, but most likely ever again. While they all discussed cases together, he barely talked to her. When he did actually have to talk to her, it was distant and professional. He would give the other members of the squad sass or even a smile but all she got was an aloof, disinterested Barba. It made her heart hurt that she had lost her friend. They were doing so well but then she didn't push him away like she should have. She didn't even want to know the opinion he had of her now.

However, she couldn't help but think about why she didn't push him away.

/ / /

The still frigid March weather eventually lapsed into promising warmth as April rolled around. Once the weather got past the 40s, there had been an overall change in the squad. While they all had their demons to face: Nick fighting to see his daughter more, Amanda fending off her urge to gamble, and Olivia living with the fact that her and Barba make never have another real conversation again, they became lively again. The squad room wasn't just dull chatter about cases. They talked about their weekends more and what was currently making them happy. It was a true spring awakening for everyone in the Manhattan SVU.

The shift in season also effected Barba. When he was working on cases with SVU, he wasn't as cold toward Olivia. While the coldness did thaw, he also wasn't exactly friendly. Despite that, he always remained professional. All of their conversations were about the cases in front of them. Nothing more. Olivia didn't try to push for anything more than that. If anyone was going to break the wall that was now between them it was going to have to be Barba since he was the one who built it.

/ / /

Time passed quickly. The beginning of spring of course turned into the still-spring-but-feels-like-summer weather. AKA May. Most days it was in the normal range of 60 – 70 degrees, but there was a day or two that threatened to break 90. Despite this nice spring high they were in, the gears of change started to turn.

May 13th rolled around. It started as any nice Sunday off work. Amaro was with his kids. Rollins was with her dog. Olivia was with Brian. Barba was on a yacht. The day had been going nice for all of them. The day would have continued to be nice if it wasn't for William Lewis deciding that this day was to begin a new reign of terror.

Rollins is the first one to run into Lewis. After two women came running down a hill screaming that he had exposed himself, she and her pooch went after him. While her dog seemed to be okay with him petting her, Amanda knew something was off the moment she locked eyes with him. A primal urge told her to run as fast as she could away from this man. But it was her job to stand up to monsters.

After she had arrested him and attempted to run his missing fingerprints, she knew that this wasn't a case that could simply wait until tomorrow. Reluctantly, she had called everyone in. She knew everyone will be pissed that their day off was cut short but her gut was screaming at her to gather re-enforcements.

Everyone grumbled that that she was over reacting. For a second, she did doubt herself. Maybe she was overreacting? Was the job finally getting to her head? Quickly, she quieted the thoughts of doubt. In the very confines of her soul, she knew that this guy was going to be bad news for them.

After everyone had commenced their grumbling, Amanda noted that Barba still wasn't there. She wanted him to be there too so they would have to re-interview him. Once someone got in there to talk to him and heard the kind of stuff he says, she knew they would get the same feeling she did. Finally, Barba showed up with his yellow rain jacket. Everyone stared on in shock.

"This better be damn important, Rollins." There was a half-smile on his face but he was completely serious.

/ / /

After the talk they had with Lewis, the entire squad and Barba had become greatly unsettled. Barba left to go back to his office so he could file paperwork to get this case into court the next day. He wasn't going to waste time on this. There was something very wrong with that man. Just the thought of being in the same room with him gave him the heebie-jeebies.

Barba did his best to give Lewis a deal. Which, of course he didn't take. Though he tried to fight it, Lewis was released until his trial. In the pit of his gut, he had a bad feeling about all this.

/ / /

After the whole Lewis case calmed down a bit, Barba took the opportunity to get together with his mom. It had been awhile since they last had lunch together and after dealing with Lewis he was uneasy. Talking to her and spending some time with her was something that he needed right now.

They sat at their usual seat that had the view of the river. Barba was grateful that Arturo wasn't working today. About a week after Olivia had revealed that she was involved with Cassidy, he decided to take control of his own destiny so to speak. He slept with Arturo a few times over the months since then. However, he wasn't after a relationship. He just wanted someone to blow off steam with. Though he had a feeling that Arturo was after more than just hooking up. Barba avoided the subject whenever it was brought up. Arturo was a smart guy and was thankfully getting the hint that they were nothing more than a physical relationship. He had stopped texting Rafael altogether about a week ago. Barba was okay with that.

After they ordered, they made small talk. But of course, this is Lucia Barba. Conversation never stays boring for long. "So, tell me what's been going on with your soulmate."

He had a feeling that this was going to be brought up. She had stayed silent about it for far too long. "I really don't want to talk about her." His attempt was lame and it wouldn't work on her, but he still had to try.

"You know me better than that, Rafi. You have to talk to someone about it." While her voice was stern that was a hint of concern. The way he hid himself away worried her. She knew that she could eventually get him to open up, she just hated how closed off he could be toward people.

"Madre, I know. But you also know me." The look of defeat rested on his face.

She reached her hand across the table and gently patted him on the arm. "Just tell me, dear. You'll feel better once you get it off your chest."

Rafael nodded. "Back in March I had finally told her that I had developing romantic feelings. She took it surprisingly well and I kissed her. She kissed me back. Though, happy endings are for fairytales. It had come up that she was involved with someone else when we kissed. She didn't tell me or push me away. I haven't talked to her in any other way besides professionally since then."

Lucia retracted her hand from her son's arm and crossed them. " _Rafael Barba_." With a furrowed brow, she scolded her son.

Rafael was taken by surprise. "What?!"

She shook her head. " _Dios mio_ , you are such a stubborn boy! She is your soulmate. She is more than just another sexual escapade. She is supposed to be your best friend, lover, partner, support system, everything! You can't let one little squabble over relationship status undermine such a beautiful relationship. This is altruistic, selfless love, _mi nino_. It's not just about hopping into bed with them and whispering unsure "I love yous". No, no. This is about loving them despite the demons they face and the accidents they make. She is human. Just because she is with someone else right now doesn't mean you can't be her friend. Do not act like a friendzoned fool."

Initially Rafael was shocked. It had been such a long time since his mom had blown up on him like that. "Lo siento, madre." Was all he could muster.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. I understand that you're hurt. But you also need to think about if she was to get hurt right now, how would you feel that you didn't forgive her?"

Rafael nodded. He was at a loss for words at the moment. Only Lucia Barba knew how to shut up her son. The rest of their meal was quiet with mumblings of how good the food was.

/ / /

Barba thought about what his mother had said quite a bit. At first he was angry at her for "not being on his side". A completely normal but immature reaction. After the initial blow to the ego, he slowly began to realize that she was right. He would be more angry at himself if he didn't forgive her and she got hurt than how angry he is with her presently. He knew he needed to talk to her.

But that was going to be harder than it should've been. The damn Lewis case took a turn for the worst. He was soon accused of raping and torturing that poor old woman. Despite their best efforts, Lewis got off scotch –free. This infuriated everyone working on the case. Barba partially blamed himself. Did he not do his job well enough? He knew it was useless to think like that. Mistakes happen. Monsters sometimes get lucky.

After Lewis's release, Barba had caught wind of Olivia being forced to stay at home for a few days – Captain's orders. He figured this was the time to apologize and make amends with her. Not that he was tooting his own horn (let's face it, he kind of was) but he was hoping that making amends with her would hopefully brighten up a shitty day.

With nothing left to lose, he quickly made his way to Olivia's apartment. Well, as quickly as he could in New York traffic. He slipped in through the entrance as someone walked out. While that was Shady, he didn't want to waste time waiting to be buzzed him. He made his way up to his floor and eventually her door. He knocked on the door.

"Hey, Liv. It's Barba. Can I come in?" He noted that there was some light coming from beneath the door so she had to be home.

After a few moments passed, he knocked again. It was unlike her to purposely ignore something. Olivia always faced everything head on. He heard heavy footsteps moving quickly through her apartment. While it was against his best interest, he barged in. His heart dropped at the scene he walked into.

Olivia was tied to a chair, bleeding, and had duct tape on her mouth. He rushed over toward her. Gently but quickly, he tore the tape away from her mouth.

He held her face in his hands, brushing away the hair from her face. "Jesus Christ, Liv. What happened to you?"

Her eyes were full of panic. "Y-you need to get out of here! Lewis will –"

Before she could finish her warning to Barba, Lewis appeared out of the shadows with a Cheshire cat grin plastered on his face. Barba suddenly turned, faster than Lewis anticipated and had just enough time to get a good look at him before Lewis knocked him out.

"Dammit, Olivia. You have too many boyfriends. Now our time together is going to have to wait until later." He cooed into her ear before pistol whipping her.

* * *

 **Dammit Lewis. You'll pay for ruining my babies from reconciling. :(**


	8. I Know We'll Be Safe & Sound

**I do not own L &O: SVU.**

 **As a warning, this chapter is written in first person - Rafael's POV.**  
 **I chose that because 1. I wanted to try my hand at first person and 2. I figured it would make the chapter more interesting.**  
 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

All I could remember is pain and darkness. Time didn't exist. I felt like I wasn't in my body, like some kind of voyeur surviving in foggy obscurity. There were visions of blood and an eerie grin beaming through. I kept fighting against this glooming black cloud that was holding me under. Will this ever end?

Temporarily the cloud with the creepy smile let me go. I woke up in more darkness and excruciating pain throughout my entire body. My right hand felt like someone ran it over with a car. There was fire in my chest that burned every time I took in a breath. Where the hell was I?

With all the strength I had, I managed to push myself from my stomach onto my side. A whimper escaped my mouth. Pain surged through my body and darkness threatened to take hold again. Just as darkness reared its ugly head memories came flooding back: Coming to Liv's apartment to reconcile, Olivia tied to the chair, and Lewis appearing from the shadows.

A vague memory floats to the surface: Lewis untying Olivia and heaving her over his shoulder. Everything went dark after that.

"Liv." I muttered, trying to pat my coat pocket for my phone.

Luckily it was in the pocket not on the side I was lying on. Lewis must have left with her in a mad dash and didn't bother taking my phone. Though he certainly had time to beat the shit out of me. I pulled out my phone with a great effort. I was able to press the emergency contact button on the unlock screen before it all went black again.

One moment, I'm trapped in eternal darkness. The next, someone is shining a light in my eyes. There are voices chattering but they sound muffled and far away. I slip further into the darkness. But suddenly, there's a shift in my weight. Pain rips through me. I come back to, groaning in agony. Now I'm on my back with two maybe three paramedics surrounding me. They slip the board under my body and heave me onto a gurney without warning. As they are racing me down the hall, I see Amaro and Rollins. They both have expressions of worry and grief written all over their faces.

In between the lapses of darkness there were glimpses of the ambulance and hospital. Every time the shadows grasped onto me, I had endless vision of Olivia. Most of them were just replaying what had happened with Lewis. A few times, the kiss replayed. Soon, everything went quiet. No visions, no dreams, no pain. Nothing.

/ / /

I had no idea how much time had passed but I finally came to. The sun shining through the window was too bright. I had to squint my eyes. I slowly looked around the hospital room. All I really could make out was that it was a small private room with two large windows that made up most of the wall across from the bed I was in. Grumbling, I pulled the sheet up over my face in attempt to block out that obnoxious sun. The sheet was white and offered no defense against the powerful rays.

"Rafael! You're awake!" I pulled the sheet away from my face. My mother was sitting in the corner of the room in a chair. I hadn't even noticed her because of how illuminated the room was. I felt my heart swell with happiness.

My mind was still foggy but I answered. " _Madre_." My voice was raspy and low but she still came over to the bedside.

She grasped my hand with both of hers, I squeezed.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again!" There were tears in her eyes. "Seeing you so beaten and bruised was so hard. I thought I was going to lose you." Tear drops fell onto my hand.

"I won't leave you yet. I haven't driven you crazy enough yet."

She put her forehead to mine and just held each other. After a few moments, she moved into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

"What is wrong with me?" She patted my hand.

"You have a concussion, badly bruised ribs, three broken fingers –" She motioned to my other hand that was bandaged. "a black eye, and a broken nose. The doctors said it could be worse. They said you're lucky that your ribs aren't broken and the concussion isn't going to leave any permanent brain damage. I told them that there's nothing lucky about this and to leave."

As she was talking, I began to drift off to sleep. Listening to her was comforting. It was like I was a child again. In my half asleep state, dreams came to me. To begin with they were just episodic flashes of nonsense. Suddenly, Lewis entered into the chaos. He first appeared as a shadow lurking in the corners of my vision. Then without warning he came into view. He had that creepy, shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Only he wasn't looking at me. I followed his gaze and there was Olivia curled up in a ball, whimpering. Lewis began laughing.

"Olivia!" I woke up with a start, looking around for her.

I was in still in my hospital room with mom sitting next to me. Her brow furrowed. "Who is Olivia?"

"Lewis has her. Does everyone at the squad know? Are they looking for her?" I attempted to sit up but the entire room spun.

"Rafi." She grabbed my hand again. "They all know. They are doing everything they can to find her. Some of them wanted to stay, but they all knew they needed to put everything they had into finding Olivia. They will find her, my dear. Right now you need to focus on resting. Your abuelita will be here in a few hours." She left his bedside to go back to her chair in the corner. Before she sat down she closed the blinds.

I wanted to know more, but I was too tired to argue. Sleep came easily.

I vaguely remember my grandmother coming to the hospital but the pain medicine they had me on made it difficult to recall everything that happened. No matter how hard I fought it, I needed to sleep. Which is exactly what I did.

/ / /

My third day in the hospital, I was able to stay up for a few hours at a time. I was sitting up and eating. Nick had called earlier letting me know that Lewis was on a killing rampage. He had killed a cop and his lawyer's father. But there was no sign of Liv yet, though they were sure she was alive still. While I was relieved, he fate still was up in the air. I wished him luck in finding her.

/ / /

The fourth day in the early evening, I received a frantic call from Nick. Lewis was beaten within an inch of his life but Olivia wasn't too physically harmed. They were still going to bring her to the hospital. I told them that I'd meet them at whatever room they give her.

After what felt like hours, they finally got her into a room. Luckily it was right now the hall from mine. I managed walking the day before but my head still spun bit. Today I was stronger. Shuffling down the hall, slowly I met up with everyone. The doctors told them only one of them could be in there at a time.

"You've seen better days, Barba." Nick grinned, patting me on the back.

I rolled my eyes but smiled. "I can still give you a verbal lashing. Watch yourself."

Nick held up his hands. "I think Barba should be able to see her first. We all got some time with her in the car. Plus he literally got the shit beat out of him for her."

Everyone nodded. I opened the door. She was curled in a ball on her side, facing away from the door.

"Liv?"

Her body froze. Suddenly, she turned toward me. "Rafael?"

I sat on the edge of her bed. She hugged me tightly. I felt wetness on my chest. "I thought he killed you. He was so angry that you came. Over and over, he kept kicking you and stepping on what he could. I heard bones crunching. It was horrible."

I gently petted her head. "I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me."

What a spectacle we were. Two very broken people crying and holding onto each other as if letting go meant losing the other to the void. The wave of emotions that came over me was so out of character for me. While I had feelings, them overpowering everything was new for me. Though everything with her was foreign. I wasn't sure of the exact amount of time we held each other, it seemed to last long enough for both of us to get us through whatever hell we have to face. We both wished one another happy resting.

I went back out into the hallway. Cassidy had joined them in waiting. I nodded at them, letting them know it was the rest of their turns. I went back down to my room.

After an hour of seeing Olivia, I heard a knock at my door. I told them to come in, not taking my eyes off my phone. I was texting my boss. We were arguing about when I could come back to work. He kept telling me that I needed to rest more. I told him that I couldn't wait around for a few more weeks. I would murder someone just to be arrested and have some action in my life. After I sent the text, I looked up at the doorway. Cassidy was there.

The bewildered yet irritated look on my face must have prompted him to speak. "I hope you're feeling better." He shifted uncomfortably.

"That's not why you're here. You have something else to say. What is it?"

Cassidy's jaw tightened. "I know it was you that kissed Olivia. Or that she kissed you. Whatever. You two kissed each other. I saw the way you two clung to each other in her room. You even got the shit beat out of you for her. What the hell are you two?"

I scoffed. "Are you really being this petty right now? Your girlfriend in in the damn hospital and you're still hung up on one drunk kiss that happened months ago. She chose you, Cassidy. So please, get over your fragile ego and be there for her. Because no matter who she may be involved with, I will stand by her side and support her. Her happiness actually means more to me than my ego. I really hope that you can be man enough to do the same for her. This is not the time for a pissing contest. She belongs to no one. You should know the better than anyone else on the squad."

He sneered at me but thankfully walked out of my room without a word. It still stung that he was the one she chose but no matter who she may be dating, she will always be my soulmate. I can't change that. I just have to live with it.

Despite that whole ordeal, I continued to argue with my boss. Eventually I wore him down. He reluctantly agreed to let come back to work in two weeks. The best news I've heard in a very long time.

* * *

 **I would also like to thank everyone who is reading, faving, following, and reviewing my fanfic. I'd probably still write it, even if I didn't have many fans but each time I see a new review/fave/follow I can't help but beam with happiness. You are all amazing!**


	9. That's The Look

**I do not own Law & Order: SVU!**

* * *

Rafael was released from the hospital five days after Lewis attacked him. Olivia was already home before he was released. She didn't have really anything wrong with her physically, it was just going to be a long uphill emotional battle. His doctors warned him to take it easy and stay away from alcohol while on his medication. Like either of those things were ever going to happen. When he got home, he flushed the pills down the toilet. He didn't need Vicodin in his home.

After a few hours of sipping on scotch and watching TV, he began to grow incredibly restless. He wasn't going to be able to last another week and a half. He needed something to work on. Grabbing his phone off the table, he texted his boss asking if there was literally anything he could do, even from home. He texted back with a simple "No." Groaning, he gently tossed his phone back onto the table. " _What the hell am I going to do?"_ He thought, plopping his head back onto the pillow.

Without meaning to he slipped off to sleep. While he was recovering well, his body was still prone to bouts of exhaustion. Even if he wasn't doing anything extraneous. It was a quiet dreamless nap, at first. The nothingness of dreams turned to Olivia's living room. This dream had repeated multiple times before but it still happened the same way: He was trying to help Olivia escape. He always managed to get the tape off her mouth and her hands untied, but then Lewis would appear. Despite the creepy smile on his face, he would always be furious. He grabbed Rafael by the hair and punched him hard in the face. Barba would struggle of course, despite the pain. He would manage to crawl away from him but only to be yanked back toward him. Lewis would then kick and stomp on him any way he could. While his back was turned Olivia would escape the chair she was tied to. She picked up the chair and hit Lewis. As if he was unscathed by getting hit by a pretty sturdy chair, he would turn his attention to Olivia. He pounced on her, his hands around her neck. All Barba could do is watch as Lewis drained the life out of Olivia.

Rafael woke up sweating and breathing heavily. Despite having the dream a few times before, it always felt real. The helplessness bore a hole into his chest each time. Getting off the couch, he made his way into the bathroom. He washed his face, reminding himself that it was only a dream. She was okay. He didn't want to even imagine what her nightmares were like. After he was back on the couch, he decided to check up on Olivia. They haven't seen one another since she was first admitted into the hospital. He was worried about her but she wasn't one to be babied.

"We should have dinner." After hitting send he put the phone down next to him as he flipped through the channels on the tv.

Her response was prompt, she was probably bored out of her mind too: "When and Where?"

"My place, around 8." The clock read 6. There was plenty of time to cook.

"Sounds great. I'll be there."

Without hesitation, he went out into the kitchen to get started on their meal. Spaghetti with homemade vodka sauce and garlic bread was the only thing he had all the ingredients for. So that's what he decided on. After almost an hour passed of prepping and cooking, there was a knock at the door. Before answering, he hesitated. While he doubted it would be anyone going to do him harm, fear still fluttered in his chest.

"Come in." He said, watching the door closely.

Olivia came in with bags in her hands. Relief filled him. "What did you get? I hope it was implied that I was making something."

She came into the kitchen and began unloading the bags: lettuce, onion, tomato, cucumber, and a few other food stuffs. "Good thing you're making spaghetti because I'm making Caesar salad with my recipe for the dressing."

They made small talk over the dinner they were making interrupted by small bursts of them singing along to the songs playing softly from Olivia's Pandora station. After dinner was done, they set up the table. Olivia picked the wine and poured it. Rafael looked down at himself. "I feel like I'm much too underdressed to be eating such a great dinner." Olivia nodded in agreement.

Despite being underdressed they enjoyed the meal regardless. There was a few moments of silent in the talking department but not in the slurping one.

After eating they both complained about how full they were and vowed to never eat like that again. He invited her to stay for a little longer to let her food rest. They both plopped down onto the couch. Olivia grabbed the remote before he could. "Hey! I'm the commander of the remote."

"I know you need to have everything in your control but you aren't winning this one." She was trying to remain serious but she couldn't help but crack a smile.

After a few minutes of bickering on what to watch, they finally settled on a rerun of an old cop show.

During a commercial, Barba turned to her. "You don't have to say anything but I need to say this: I came to your apartment that night to reconcile with you. I know that it's been implied by now, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for the way I acted towards you beforehand. It was immature of me. Your friendship is invaluable to me, no matter how much I may act like it isn't."

Olivia nodded but didn't say anything. He knew she wouldn't. She wasn't one for talking about how she was feeling. Talking wasn't hard for him. Admitting that he was wrong is the hard thing.

"There's something else bothering you. I can tell by the look on your face. What is it?"

Multiple emotions rose up in his chest: fear, sadness, and anger. "I…" He shook his head, getting up off the couch. Olivia turned the tv off. She grabbed him by the hand before he could walk away. Pulling him back down she said gently: "Tell me."

"The nightmares won't stop. I thought that maybe being out of the hospital and off the pain meds would help but if anything they're even worse now." He dared to look at Olivia. There were tears forming in her eyes. Her eyes unfocused and turned glassy. Barba's heart sank. "Liv." He pulled her close to him. "I can't even imagine what yours are like."

She sobbed into his chest. "They're horrible. Every time I close my eyes, he is there lurking in the shadows. He's like some kind of phantom panther that paces back and forth. Waiting for me to let me guard down in the dreams."

"That's how many of mine start too. I have this reoccurring one that he makes sure he doesn't beat me unconscious just so I can watch him strangle the life out of you." He blinked away his own tears. "They all feel so real, just like I'm reliving that moment over and over again. The helplessness is the worse part. It always borrows this deep hole into my chest after I have that dream. And the feeling lingers for hours. I…I don't know how to get this to stop."

Olivia sniffled. "I don't think they will ever completely stop. I'm sure years from now we will still have nightmares with him in them. Sure, they won't be as frequent or powerful, but he will haunt us for the rest of our lives. We have to learn to live with that."

He nodded, giving her a gentle squeeze. "At least we aren't alone in this." Looking down at her, he offered his best, strong smile. She returned the smile. Something was glittering in her eyes. He wasn't sure what it was exactly but it was much different than how she looked at him before. He felt his chest constrict and butterflies flutter in his stomach.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed some Barson fluff! :)  
I know this chapter wasn't all that long nor exciting, I just figured they needed some down time for them before they go back to work (which will be the next chapter, I promise!) and things start picking up again for better or worse.  
I have lots of interesting twists to offer while still mostly sticking to the show's storyline.  
Until next time, beloved readers ~**


	10. I Wanna Get Better

I don't own L&O:SVU!

* * *

It was finally Barba's first day of work after the Lewis debacle. His alarm went off at 6 am. He didn't have to be at work until 9 but he was eager to greet the day. He took a longer than necessary shower, gussied up, got dressed, made coffee and watched the news as he completed his morning routine. It felt good to have a purpose again. While he did spend most of his free days with Olivia, he still wanted to get back to the daily grind.

Getting out of his cab and walking up to his workplace exhilarated him. He nodded at some of his colleagues that stared at him with mouths open. Yes. That's right. Rafael Barba can survive an encounter with a serial killer and then saunter down the hallway like nothing ever happened. He finally got to his office. He made a point to greet his secretary. They exchanged pleasantries. She turned away from him for a moment to grab something off her desk but he had already escaped into his office.

He plopped down in his chair. As he propped his feet up on his desk and leaned back I his chair, a huge grin appeared on his face. " _The real love of my life is definitely this chair_." He thought, closing his eyes. Just as he relaxed into his chair, there was a knock at the door. "Come in." He spun towards the door, putting his feet back on the floor. It was his secretary.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. You disappeared before I could give you your mail." She handed him a stack of envelopes.

He nodded his thank you as she walked out. Most of them were business inquiries. Which he just added to the large pile growing on his desk. However, one of them was completely blank. " _Odd_."

Despite that he opened the letter. Inside of it was a piece of paper folded around something rectangular. His brow furrowed. As he unfolded the paper it revealed a picture. Fear rose up in his chest. It was a picture of him asleep in his home. After the attack with Lewis. So it was recent. On the piece of paper it read:

"You look so peaceful. Despite what was done to you.

Feel better soon.

xoxo"

He dropped the letter and picture as if it was hot. He took a few slow, fearful steps away from his desk never taking his eyes off the letter. He stopped only because of the shelf behind his desk. The fear that was fluttering in his chest turned into an inferno of panic. His lungs constricted and his brain felt like mush. Frantically, his chest heaved for oxygen. As he sunk to the floor, he tightly closed his eyes. Flashes of Lewis came to mind. The horrible Cheshire cat smile lurked in the labyrinths of his brain.

After a few moments of chaos, his breathing finally regulated. He knew he just had a panic attack. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but the thought that he now had anxiety scared him almost more than that letter did.

/ / /

After his panic attack, he went out to question his sectary. He asked her (not as calmly as he would have liked) where it came from and when she got it. There was a hint of fear in her eyes. She told him that all the letters were in his mailbox when she got here this morning. Not getting what he wanted from her, he went back into his office. Without thinking about it, he called Olivia. After it rung once, he quickly hung up. She was still on leave. "Dammit." He swore to himself.

He pulled him Nick's number in his phone and hit call. After a few rings Nick answered, "Amaro."

"Amaro, it's Barba. Uh, could you come to my office? I have a slight problem."

"Barba, I'm really busy. I—"

"Please Nick. I'm not just asking as a colleague, but as a friend who needs your help." Barba cringed internally at how dependent and needed that sounded but he was afraid.

/ / /

Nick got to his office within a half hour. Barba was greeted with Nick's famous half-grin and nod. Under different circumstances Barba would be happy to be greeted by him. But right now, nothing was putting his mind at ease.

"What's wrong Barba?" Nick's worry lines seemed to be deeper than the last time they were face to face. There was a twinge of guilt in Barba's chest. He pushed it aside.

"I received an unnerving letter." He pointed his to desk. He hadn't touched it after he dropped it.

Nick pulled on latex gloves as he made his way to Barba's desk. As he looked at the letter his face changed from stern detective to a look of annoyance. "What the hell, Barba? You called me over here for a blank piece of paper?"

Barba's stomach dropped. Anger swelled in his chest. "What the hell are you talking about? There was—" He grabbed the letter out of his hand but it was indeed blank.

Fear replaced the anger. He dropped the letter, frantically looking for the picture. But it too was gone. He felt all the blood rush out of his face. "I swear. There was a picture of me sleeping right here. And there was writing on his paper. I wouldn't just call you down here for nothing. I—"

Amaro shook his head, holding up his hand. "Barba, I think you need to take some more time off. You aren't ready."

"It came in this blank envelope too!" He help it up.

"Are you sure you weren't just going to compose a letter and thought you saw something?"

Barba opened his mouth to retort but he had nothing. He grimaced.

Nick gave him a strained smile before exiting Barba's office. Rafael slowly sunk down into his chair. He leaned his head on his hand as he stared down at the letter. Well, blank piece of paper now. He was baffled. Had he hallucinated the whole thing? No, he recalled the picture and letter vividly. Where had that picture gone? He was only gone from his office for a few moments. Could someone have come in and taken it? Angrily he scoffed. All of this was making him sound utterly insane.

Suddenly, feeling very exhausted he leaned back in his chair. This is not how he wanted his first day at work to go. Eager to put this behind him, he threw away the letter and envelope. There was no proof that the letter existed. It was probably just Lewis trying to scare him. The only way he could get the incident out of his head was to bury himself in work. So he did just that. He hopped on some paperwork before having to go to court, trying his best to keep it out of mind.

Despite the easiness of the rest of the day, a hint of fear bubbled just below the surface of everything he did.

* * *

Hello readers, I am back! I got caught up in the Hannibal fandom for awhile there.  
But I reminded myself to come back to SVU and this fic.  
Thank you for your patience!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter.  
It's a character arc that I'm introducing to Barba.  
So I will steer away from the shows plotline slightly, but not too much.  
The next chapter will have Olivia, her return, and more of that barson slow burn! ;)


	11. Dance Off Time

I do not own Law and Order: SVU.

* * *

After the letter incident, Barba became paranoid. He knows what he saw, even if no one else saw it. He wasn't able to pinpoint what happened exactly but he'd be damned if he didn't do anything to protect himself. He had a high tech security system installed in his home. Not only was there a minute and thirty second window to disable the alarm upon entering the house there was a new passcode texted to him daily. On top of the new system he purchased a new phone and got a new number. Even if it was just Lewis messing with him, he wasn't going to take any chances. Not that he'd ever admit it but the incident with Lewis had scarred him.

/ / /

Feeling safer with his upgraded security system, Barba decided it was time to get back into the swing of things. His boss was throwing his annual mid-summer bash the upcoming weekend with the option of bringing anyone you wanted. After the crazy month he's had, he deserved to let loose and have a good night. The idea of inviting Olivia (and the squad) along for the wild night popped into his head. The next down time he had, he was going to invite them. Though with the current case they were tackling, it might take a while.

The current case at hand is involving a young boy being kidnapped. It has the same MO as a kidnapping ten years ago that Olivia had been a part of. Not only were emotions running high but Olivia had just returned to work. She was desperate to prove to everyone that she was ready and capable of working. After the first night of working on finding the boy, Barba and Benson met up at a bar. Barba's request.

Olivia is sitting in a booth with two files in front of her. Both of her hands are pushed up against the sides of her face, massaging her temples. Barba flops into the booth, setting his suit case next to him. Olivia manages a weak smile. She's already so exhausted but giving up isn't an option.

"I'm so angry that no one else will let me prove that I'm ready to be back on the job. They act like I've never faced trauma before. I hate it when they treat me like I'm broken."

Barba nodded, watching her body language closely. Her muscles had tightened when she started talking.

Before Barba could say anything, the waitress came over. She asked if Olivia wanted a refill on her wine, she said yes. Barba ordered fish fillet and whiskey. After they ordered, Olivia started talking about the case and the parallels it shared with the previous one. Barba sipped his whiskey, simply listening. Usually he was the one to talk and argue but he was always the listener when he was with her. Though as he was eating, she said something that took him off guard:

"How have you been since …that night? You haven't really talked about yourself and how you're doing."

He swallowed hard, thinking of the right thing to say. The letter that was sent to his office was never mentioned to her. She was still on leave when he received it. He didn't want her to worry about him, so he kept it to himself. Right now, her well-being was more important.

"I've been fine, Liv. Don't worry about me. I just got a bump on the head and a few bruises. I've dealt with worse in high school." He did his best to play it off as a joke.

"Have you talked to a psychiatrist or anything? Even if you weren't kidnapped you still suffered a trauma that could affect your work." The smile on her lips was tight and professional.

Barba narrowed his eyes. "I don't need help Olivia. I'm fine. You don't like it when your squad babies you so don't do it to me."

"I'm not trying to baby you, I just—"

"No. You're treating me like a victim. I'm not a victim. It was just a concussion and some bruises. I wasn't traumatized. My psyche isn't damaged. I sleep fine at night. I don't need to be taken care of." Barba's voice trailed off into more of a growl than words. Instantly, he regretted being so defensive. All she was doing was showing that she cared about his well-being.

Her whole body tensed. "I should be going. I have a lot of paperwork to do." She laid a ten dollar bill on the table, getting out of the booth and heading for the door.

Barba swore under his breath, putting a twenty on the table before going after her. Luckily, Olivia didn't get far. He caught her by the hand, pulling her toward him. How hard he pulled was underestimated. She collided into him, almost causing him to lose his balance. To prevent them from toppling down onto the pavement, they both awkwardly wrapped their arms around the other. Once stable, Barba flushed. He had to look up at her. It's been so long since they've been face to face like this.

They both awkwardly took a step away from each other. "I'm sorry Olivia. I didn't mean to get so defensive. Letting go of pride can be…difficult."

Olivia diverted eye contact since they took a step away. She silently nodded as he spoke. Gently, he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Olivia. Please look at me."

Reluctantly, she did.

There was a rare vulnerability radiating from her. Usually hard hazel eyes were softened with the threat of tears and some much needed sleep. The strong body that fought tooth and nail against anything and everything, seemed so small and fragile, like it was closing in on itself. Those perfect, usual smiling lips quivered with uncertainty. "I need to find this boy Raf. I can't let him slip through the cracks. I just can't."

Rafael closed the gap between them. She put her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. Her breath was hot against it. A tight squeeze enveloped his torso, he returned the same. "You'll find him Olivia. Out of everyone in the entire world, it would be you. You will always be the hero. Never doubt that about yourself. No matter what is done to you, you will always come out stronger than before."

Olivia nodded into his neck. In the back of her mind she wondered why she always ended up in Rafael's arms every time they were together outside of work. Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, and thrice is just a habit. Their raw, emotional connection was growing stronger each time they were around one another. One of them usually ended up having their soul bared by the end of the night. Why is this happening? She ended the embrace, but wondered why she didn't feel this way about Cassidy. Or even why she never even felt this way with Elliot. Their relationship continued to perplex yet excite her.

Olivia thanked Barba for his encouragement and left to hail a cab.

/ / /

Just as Rafael predicted, Olivia did end up being the one to find the boy. Barba was grateful for the boy's safe return to his parents. But what he was really after was getting Olivia to go to his boss's party. He managed to catch her as she was leaving the squad room.

"Great job finding the boy." He smirked, reveling in the fact that he was right all along.

"If this is your version of and "I told you so" I don't want to hear it." She rolled her eyes but the smile forming told a different story.

"Oh no, this is me being genuine. If I wanted to rub your face in something, I'd just say so. However, that's not the reason I'm here. How do you feel about parties that involve expensive champagne and over-priced food?"

"I feel that parties like that are where know-it-all lawyers go to talk about their yachts and how much money they spend on shoes." Olivia smirks, glancing at Barba's feet.

"I don't have a yacht." Barba deadpanned.

Olivia giggled. "Bet you never hear the end of that one."

"Trust me, you have no idea. Though if you come with me to my boss's party you'd get a pretty good idea. That way I also wouldn't be the only one without a yacht. It's on Saturday. My boss insisted that I invited the squad." This was actually true. His boss was trying to get more cops to come to his parties. He said it was to improve the relationships between lawyers and cops but truly it was just so he could gain more favors and cases from police departments.

After their ride in the elevator, Olivia finally nodded as they stepped out. "I'll come only if I can get some of my cop buddies to go. I'm not going to get gussied up just for a bunch of lawyers."

Barba nodded while rolling his eyes. "Hey, lawyers have feeling too you know."

"I doubt it." Laughing, she waved bye to Barba as she headed off in the opposite direction.

/ / /

The day before the party Barba got a text from Olivia saying that he rounded up some cop friends to go to the party and to expect them there.

/ / /

His boss's house was on the upper eastside. It wasn't exactly a mansion but pretty damn close. There were five bedrooms four of which belonged to his kids who were forced to go to their grandparent's house. Of course there was a balcony, a pool, two jaccuzis, several bathrooms, and plenty of drunk people. Barba arrived to the party around 10. Much to his surprise, Oliva was already there talking it up with some of the ADAs. He noted that Rollins, Amaro, and even Fin made it.

Fin noticed him first. "Hey, thanks for the invite, man. Much appreciated." He raised his eyebrows, holding up a glass of wine.

As he approached Olivia, his breath hitched. She was breath-taking. This was the first time he's seen her outside of her usual attire. While it wasn't a little black dress, it still was a dress that revealed all her curves and feminine features that usually hid behind work clothes. Before closing the gap between them, he grabbed a champagne and chugged it. Liquid courage was going to be needed tonight.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in." One of the other ADAs said motioning to Barba.

Olivia turned around to see who he was talking about. When she saw Barba, she grinned as she motioned him into the group. She introduced him to Alex Cabot. He had heard great things about Alex, though never had the opportunity to meet her.

"Olivia says that SVU is in great hands thanks to a Rafael Barba." Alex was sizing him up but being polite while doing so.

"It takes a special brand of lawyer to be able to step up to the plate known as SVU, as I'm sure you know. While they're big shoes to fill, I'll sure as hell give those perps a run for their money." Barba flashed a smile.

They exchanged pleasantries and small talk but eventually everyone dissipated into different groups. Olivia stayed behind with Barba. "Leave it to you to invite me to a party but show up later than everyone you invited."

"Being best dressed doesn't happen in an hour or two. This took hours of careful consideration and planning. I also had to check the prices on everything to make sure I was wearing the most expensive of each article of clothing I own." Barba made a "duh" face.

He got an eye roll in return. He wanted to stay at Olivia's side for the remainder of the evening in hopes he'd gather up the courage (aka drink enough alcohol) to ask her to dance but his boss ended up pulling him away to introduce him to various people in different positions of power. By the time he was able to pull himself away, it was nearly midnight. With help from various drunk people, he was able to find Olivia. She was sitting outside in the gazebo chatting with a lesbian couple. Soon after Barba entered however, one of them ended up running out sick. Her faithful girlfriend went after her.

"I have no idea who they were. All I really caught was that one was a cop and the other was a lawyer. It's strange how cops and lawyers are almost like different species." She was studying him closely as if he was a foreign specimen caught underneath a microscope.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I wouldn't say we're that different. We both want the same thing: justice for victims."

Olivia leaned against his shoulder, nodding. Their conversation stilled. They closed their eyes, simply listening to the party around them. Laughter, clinking glasses, the soft hum of music. Tranquility ended when a group of loud drunks stumbled past the gazebo. Olivia patted his arm. "We should dance before I decide to leave." Barba let her lead the way.

They danced, not too close though. Just a typical waltz on the back patio. Though it meant the world to him to see her face beam with the excitement of dancing. She was tipsy, so her movements were over the top at some points but she completed the dance none the less.

After the people watching their dance, diverted their attention elsewhere, Olivia hugged Barba to say goodbye. It took everything in his power to resist the urge to kiss her. This night had been so dream-like that he had nearly forgotten she was not his to kiss.

Though despite how tame their exchange seemed to strangers, it was a different story to Fin and Rollins who exchanged wide-eyed glances during the whole dance and now intimate hugging. Fin's surprise quickly turned into devilish curiosity. Rollins smirked.

Soon the whole world would question the true nature of the secret relationships of lawyers and cops.

* * *

YES. Some much needed fluff.  
Not all that much action but there's some relationship development going on.  
It'll only get stronger from here on out ;-)


	12. Imagine You & I

**I do not own Law & Order: SVU.**

* * *

Olivia awoke to the sound of dishes clanging followed by the smell of pancakes. However when she looked at the clock – 8 o'clock – she groaned. No matter how good the food smelled, she wasn't ready to roll out of bed yet. Sleep took hold of her for another half hour.

Cassidy came into the bedroom. He flopped down next to her, wrapping his arms around her. She stirred, mumbling under her breath.

"Rise and shine, Liv. Breakfast is ready." After a quick kiss on her neck, he got off the bed.

Sitting up, she yawned. Reluctantly she dragged herself into the bathroom. While she was brushing her teeth, she started remembering the dreams she was having. They were about Barba. These dreams happened at least once a week.

One in particular. In the beginning of the dream they were dancing at a party just like the one they were at back in July. The dream ended in one of three ways: First, they left off as great friends, just like it happened in reality. Second, it ended with her kissing him. He of course reciprocated. Everyone around them broke out in applause. The third, however, was terrifying. It ended similarly to the second dream only two men in eerie, featureless masks manifested out of the darkness. One she could recognize by his voice: Lewis. The other she couldn't make out, but Barba did. Before she had time to scream, both men would grab Rafael and whisk him away into the darkness. The third one has only happened twice, but she still dreaded it every night she went to sleep.

This morning, she happened to wake up from the second ending. Even though it had been over a year since Barba had kissed her she still remembered what he tasted like: sweet Whiskey with the hint of spearmint. But those were just the obvious. There was something much deeper to that kiss, even if they were both tipsy. Not even the cliché, fireworks description could explain that. It was backed up with a desire she had never felt before. The way he kissed her made her weak at the knees, just from thinking about it again. At the bathroom sink, in another man's home. She flushed with embarrassment. She wasn't sure she had been thinking about him so much lately. They haven't really hung out since the party. So that could be a part of why he's on her mind. That's the answer she accepted because she couldn't handle any other possibilities.

At the table, she and Cassidy made small talk. They talked about their busy weeks and the cases they were working on. Just as Olivia got up to wash the dishes, Cassidy stopped her. "No, let me wash the dishes."

"You cooked breakfast. I'll do my part." After turning the water on, she waited for it to warm up.

Cassidy gently grabbed her hands in his. "Liv, Can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"What's been up you lately, babe? We've only been living together for about two weeks but you just seem so distant. Does it have to do with Lewis?"

She flinched slightly upon hearing his name. It's been months since the kidnapping but it was still a fresh wound. She refuses to talk about him with anyone. Well, almost anyone. The only exception being Barba. He understands where as everyone else can only speculate. She pulled away from Cassidy.

"No. I just have to get used to living with a roommate again." Giving him a reassuring smile, she went back into the bedroom to get ready for the day.

/ / /

Later that day, Olivia and Rollins met up for a late lunch at a café. Olivia ordered a chicken wrap with chips and coffee. Rollins got a turkey club with chips and Pepsi. While they rarely hung out outside of work, it did happen from time to time. Sometimes it was just nice to have "girl time". They talked about sports, the weather, Amanda's sister, and of course paperwork. However, the conversation took a turn because of Rollins. Trying to hide a smirk, she blurted out: "So, what is the deal between you and Barba?"

The question took Olivia off guard and she choked on her coffee. Grimacing, she looked slowly toward Rollins. "Why are you asking that? We're colleagues and friends. I thought that was obvious."

By this point, the smirk on her face was very obvious. "I dunno, Olivia. That night at the party you two looked like much more than just 'friends'. It's really not any of my business but Fin and I flipped a coin to see who would ask you about it."

Olivia scoffed. "It's nothing more than I friendship, really."

"You may think it's just friendship but he definitely doesn't. The way he looked at you. Man, I wish someone would look at me with such admiration. I seriously thought that kind of look only happened in movies but the night I saw you two, it gives me hope that this soulmate thing really does work out."

Rollins glanced at her arm. She still had two more years until hers ran out.

Olivia's grimace changed into a look of bewilderment. "Soulmate? Who said anything about a soulmate?"

Rollins crossed her arms. "I'm a detective Olivia. It wasn't too hard to find out when Barba's countdown stopped. You're his soulmate and he might be yours. So what is the hold up?"

She hesitated. While she has asked herself that question quite a few times, she could never come up with a definitive answer. Or at least she could come up with an answer, just one she couldn't admit to herself.

Barba being brought up made Olivia think about the dream of him kissing her. There was a flutter in her gut. Honestly, she wanted nothing more than that dream to become a reality. But she couldn't bring herself to break it off with Cassidy. She had worked so hard for their relationship the first go round and now that it was happening again, her pride wouldn't let her stop fighting. But she knew eventually she would have to ask herself what was more important: her pride or her heart?

All she gave Rollins was a shrug. She wasn't ready to talk about it because she couldn't face the fact that she was falling for Barba.

/ / /

Summer swiftly fell into the arms of autumn. The fearsome SVU squad tackled quite a few cases in between July and October. They faced the cruel reality of racism, dirty cops, sending Cassidy undercover, and of course, creeps praying on young girls. Despite the hardships, they all became a stronger unit. However, these strengthened bonds are going to be put to the test.

/ / /

Barba's day had started like any other day: getting ready, coffee, traffic, and paperwork in his office. His usual routine was interrupted by a knock on his door and it abruptly opening to reveal his childhood friend Alex Munoz. They greeted each other gleefully. The reunion soon went south. Alex relayed to Barba that Eddie was in trouble with SVU. As he escorted Alex out, he knew immediately that this case was going to be difficult for him. Objectivity is usually a strong suit of his. There's only a few people on this earth where he happens to have biases for and all, excluding his mother and grandmother, happen to be involved.

His heart clenched in his chest as he made his way over to the SVU station to take a peek in on Eddie's interrogation.

/ / /

His secret peek at Eddie's questioning was cut short by Olivia. He had purposely been trying to avoid her as long as possible for the duration of this investigation. While he knew that was a futile attempt, he still had hoped. He asked her to accompany him to a restaurant where he could fully explain the story. She agreed.

As soon as they sat down Barba went on and on about Alex, Eddie, and himself as the three musketeers of their street. He talked about story upon story of their fun and the times they had gotten in trouble. Olivia listened intently. Soon, following Barba's lead, she also had a huge grin on her face. Listening to him reminiscence about his childhood and slipping into bouts of Spanglish made her heart swell with joy. At a point in his story telling, he noticed her staring at him with such happiness in her eyes, it caught him off guard. She had never looked at him like that before. There were times that were close to this look of pure adoration but it was never so blatant or seen sober.

His cheeks flushed lightly. She took immediate noticed and turned her attention to her food.

Barba chuckled nervously. "I, uh, didn't mean to stop mid story but it just dawned on me that we should probably get back soon."

She nodded. "I guess I got caught up in those stories. You lead quite the wild childhood."

They finished their food with only a little bit of talking about the case. As Olivia was heading toward the door after paying, Barba noticed her jacket on the back of the chair. He grabbed it and joined her outside.

He offered it to her. "You forgot this. Obviously."

He held it out for her to grab but instead she turned her back to him and held out her right arm. He closed the gap between them and helped her into her jacket. Being so close to her made his body tense up. She definitely felt the rigidity of his movements because she glanced over her shoulder as she adjusted her jacket and simply smirked.

Barba wasn't sure when this shift in their relationship happened. One second they were simply friends and now the next she is staring at him like he's the best thing to exist and is inviting him to be closer to her physically. Even now, as they walk back to the precinct their shoulders have brushed together quite a few times and she is stealing glances at him. This case was going to be much harder than he originally thought.

/ / /

They ran into one another a few times throughout the day. Once in the elevator where they discussed Lindsey's part of the story and her blatant interest in only conversing with men. The next encounter was in the hallway with Amaro. Nick accused Barba of not being objective and much to his surprise, Olivia jumped in and scolded Nick. He easily defended himself from Nick's continuous onslaught, but it left him having to think about quite a lot.

/ / /

As the hours ticked by, the case progressively got harder. The detectives were now looking at Alex's involvement with a closer look. Amaro's jabs at his objectivity wasn't making this any easier. Then again, neither was Olivia's obvious bias for Barba.

To make matters worse, Yelinda soon paid a visit to Barba while he was in his office. His first response was to be happy to see her. He remembered the way he felt about her. Young love is always such light and lovely experience. There were no ill feelings. Innocence was all it was. The conversation started off friendly. But of course, just as the conversation with her husband it soon soured. She accused him of not being loyal. He let it slide, trying to take the objective road. That changed when she dared to bring the feeling he once had for her.

He tried to hold his tongue but it slipped out. "Don't flattered yourself, Yelinda."

She was on her way out but froze and turned to him. Shock written all over her face. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." His expression was grim and regretful.

"What do you mean "Don't flatter yourself"?" Her eyes narrowed.

"Meaning, do not bring up very old and mucho muerto feelings. I am doing my job, Yelinda. I am already putting my neck on the line for both of you. If not more so for Alex. I am very much aware of the fact the he is my oldest friend but I also am doing my duty to bring justice to any case presented to me."

Scoffing, she glanced down at his arm. "I see that you finally meet your soulmate. Are they also someone who is unattainable?"

Rafael gritted his teeth and motioned toward the door. Yelinda smirked, leaving with an extra swing in her strut.

Barba usually rolled with the punches but Yelinda and Alex knew how to cut him the deepest. It irked him to no end at how right she was about his soulmate situation. The downfalls of knowing people way too well.

/ / /

Much to Barba's chagrin, the case only got worse. The evidence against Alex was stacking up. Despite Barba's best efforts, he had to watch his oldest "friend" fall from that pedestal he had been on for so many years. It taught him an important lesson: Even if you know someone for a very long time, sometimes you just truly don't know a person. Barba realized he didn't know who Alex was. He led this double, shameful life that Barba was ashamed of for him. Some men simply cannot handle the truth. Especially if it's about themselves.

Barba sat in this bittersweet defeat with Olivia and Nick. He did his best not to tell Rafael "I told you so" but in his own way, he did. Eventually Amaro left, leaving them alone.

"Are you okay, Barba?" She said placing a hand on his shoulder.

Before answering, he simply just looked at her. She looked like the one who had just lost a close friend. It wasn't pity in her eyes, it was more like she was sharing the pain that he was feeling. "I'll live." A flash of a smile was there but it fluttered away.

"We could take a walk and just go to your apartment, if you'd like."

He nodded. They put their coats on and left tips for the bartender. It was a chilly and windy October day. The hints of winter's grasp were biting at their cheeks as the strolled down the sidewalk silently. She walked close to him as they watched Halloween events burst with life around them. Without meaning to, they ended up at his apartment. Still silent, they went up to his apartment. They plopped themselves onto the opposite ends of the couch and sighed simultaneously.

Barba made small talk about movies he'd like to see. She made little comments here and there. At one point she got up to use the restroom. While she was away, he turned on a movie and leaned back. When she came back, her shoes were off and her jacket was gone. It had been such a long time since he saw her so comfortable. Something about her lounging lazily made butterflies flutter in his stomach. There was something incredibly attractive about her when she "let her hair down", so to speak. In order to distract himself he stood up. "I'll make us some popcorn."

He went into the kitchen and threw a bag into the microwave. He had two minutes to wait. Watching the clock countdown, he distracted himself from thinking about Olivia. The timer dinged and he put the popcorn into a bowl, putting it in-between them on the end table. They took turn grabbing little handfuls and unbeknownst to them, getting closer to each other. When they were only about a few inches apart, Olivia grabbed Rafael's hand as he reached for the popcorn. He tensed, unsure of what was happening.

Slowly, he looked at Olivia, surprised at how close she was now. He sucked in a breath, as he watched her interlace her fingers with his. She wiggled her fingers once they were interlocked, as if to get a feel for comfort. Finally, their gazes shifted from their hands to each other. He was incredibly nervous. She was calm and confident.

As Barba was about to ask why, Olivia simply shook her head. She then moved closer to him until they were hip to hip. Barba was so wracked with nerves that he was shaking slightly. Gently, Olivia moved her thumb across the back of his hand as she turned her attention back to the movie. Barba could not focus on the movie, he kept looking at their interlocked hands and her. He so badly wanted to ask what in the hell was going on but he didn't dare break the fragility of the moment. Just as she began to relax slightly, she shifted and laid her head on his shoulder. Still remaining silent. Now, at this point Barba was screaming internally. He needed to know what in the hell was happening. Perhaps he isn't so smooth afterall.

"You don't have to be so tense." She mumbled.

"I-" She looked up at him, faces only inches apart. A small part of him began to wonder if this was all a dream. Definitely not a dream, he decided. But he looking up at him made him completely forget what he was going to say.

Without much warning, she leaned up and kissed him. It was only a peck but it surprised him so much that he audibly gasped into the kiss. She pulled away slightly to laugh and get air, but moved in again before he had a chance to speak. This time it was a real kiss and not just a peck. She could taste popcorn and the alcohol on his breath from at the bar earlier. She tasted like salt and butter and just like she did a year ago: sweet and strong. The tension in his body quickly melted away into desire. She pulled away, but only for a moment. She straddled him and kissed him with more force this time, as did he.

There was over a year of pent up sexual and emotional frustration in this kiss. It was by no means romantic. They were more like sloppy teenagers with over-zealous tongues. Rafael's hands quickly wondered up inside her shirt, as her mouth found his neck. He gave her nipple a hard pinch in which she moaned in return, right in his ear. His body shuddered. He felt so much like a teenager again. There was no control of his body and he felt like he could come at any second if they carried on any longer. Which, of course they did. Much to Rafael's dismay, he didn't last much longer and Olivia felt it.

She giggled into his ear, after the fact. "I knew I could get you."

Olivia pulled him down, to lay next to her. He nuzzled into her neck. It took a few moments but Barba eventually sat back up. "Olivia. What the hell just happened? What about Cassidy? And…" He trailed off, watching her sit up.

"Cassidy and I broke up. I couldn't fight the fact anymore that I had strong feelings for you. It wasn't fair to him that I wasn't as invested in the relationship as he was. How could I be when I have dreams about you all the time. Or the fact that I've wanted to sleep with you since last October. It also wasn't fair to you that I kept giving you all these mixed signals because I couldn't admit to myself that I might have stronger feelings for you than I ever did for Elliot and that terrifies me."

Barba is shocked but pleased by her confession. He stands up from the couch and offers her his hand. She takes it and he leads her into his bedroom. He changes his clothes and gives her some of his to wear. Despite the temptation to do otherwise, all they do is talk and eventually sleep wrapped up in one another.

* * *

It's been quite a long hiatus, but here I am writing once again.  
I hope those who do see this update, enjoy it. :)


	13. First Of Many

**I do not own L &O: SVU!**

* * *

Sudden movement on the bed caused Barba to wake up. He was groggy and completely out of it but then memories of last night came rushing back to him: Olivia had made a move on him and was now sleeping in his bed. He glanced over at the other side of the bed and there she was sitting on the edge of the bed stretching. She was dressed in one of his shirts. Butterflies fluttered in his chest. He still couldn't believe that this was real.

He was caught mid-stare when she looked over her shoulder. The smile was sleepy but still beautiful. She got off the bed and went into the bathroom for a few moments. Eventually she came back and flopped onto the bed. Barba had laid back down to get some more sleep since it was only 5:30 in the morning. He had barely noticed the flop but when she snuggled up against his back, he open his eyes. In one swift motion he moved so he could be facing her.

It was still dark on that early October morning so they couldn't make out the others features but that didn't stop Olivia from softly kissing Barba. Sighing happily into the kiss, he moved his arm under her so that she was half way on top of him. Eventually she pulled away and laid on his chest so that his chin was touching her head. Within moments, they both had fallen back to sleep.

Barba had awoken again around 7. Even when he got out of bed, Olivia hardly stirred. He began his morning routine: pee, wash hands, brush teeth, start coffee, take a shower, and getting dressed. By the time Barba had gotten his first few layers of clothes on, Oliva woke up. She silently watched him finish tucking in his shirt and straightening out his suspenders for a few moments. Knowing that he was going to be awhile, she went off into the bathroom.

She came out wrapped in a towel and drying her hair off with another. Barba was fixing his vest and suit jacket while looking in the mirror. Once everything was in order he turned around to go grab one of his watches but he got distracted by Olivia instead. Though it was cliché, he couldn't help but stare with his mouth agape. He could swear he was much more suave than this but she turned him into a blubbering, horny teenager again. He adverted his attention to his watches and was trying to put his focus into choosing one. Olivia wrapped a damp arm around his waist and peered into his watch box.

"Is it really necessary to have so many?"

He still wasn't used to her touching him, so his body stiffened slightly at her touch. Breathing momentarily stopped. He soon relaxed against her.

"A good watch completes a good outfit." Smirking he glanced down at her. "However, I suppose there's some exceptions to that rule."

"You aren't very good at pick-up lines, Barba." She playfully shoved him and made her way to her clothes pile.

"Well apparently they work." He turned to face her, after picking out a watch.

As she was picking up her clothes off the floor, Barba hugged her from behind and buried his face into her neck. She smelled of his soap and shampoo, only on her it smelled much sweeter. There he placed a few playful kisses. This was a dream come true and he wanted to savor every moment.

After offering to wash her clothes and let borrow his, he went out into the kitchen where there coffee was waiting. He poured two cups, placing Olivia's on the counter. He was adding cream and sugar to his coffee when Olivia emerged from the bedroom in one of his sleep t-shirts and her jeans from the day before. She took her cup off the counter and went around to the other side where there were bar stools and sat down.

For a few moments, they sat in comfortable silence. Simply enjoying the presence of each other and their coffee. Their silence was disturbed by Barba's cell phone ringing. He answered promptly for it was his boss. After a few "yeses" and "sures" Barba hung up.

"I have to go in earlier than I thought. My boss wants to move our lunch to a breakfast." He moved around the counter, to where she was sitting. "You can stay here as long as you'd like. If you leave, just text me so we can make plans to talk about all this. Because you know, I have to talk about everything." A nervous chuckle left his mouth. "So, I'll see you later."

He gave her a peck on the cheek and turned to leave but she grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Liv, I need to—"

He was cut off by her kissing him. It was a kiss that Barba would never forget. This is one of those first goodbye kisses that are so sweet and soft but also somewhat sad. Their night together had been mostly innocent but it was the start of new chapter in both of their lives. As much as was a goodbye-see-you-after-work kiss, it was also marking the real beginning of their relationship. They both lead lives that they could be swept away by reality at any moment and they could very well never come back. This was their first step into their new reality together.

/ / /

Olivia lounged around Barba's house for a little while, until she knew she needed to go into work. Luckily at the station she had a change of clothes stored there that she could change into. After a few more moments lounging in Barba's extremely comfortable bed, she rolled out of bed and went into work.

She was hoping that no one would see her coming into the station looking like a scrub lord, but that wasn't her luck. Both Fin and Amaro were there. They mumbled Hellos but their curious glances said otherwise. She escaped to change into better clothes and put some makeup on. Feeling better she plopped down at her desk and got to work on the growing pile of paperwork.

Throughout the morning, Olivia and Barba texted back and forth for awhile. She only became aware of it when she happened to catch Fin staring at her with a curious look on his face. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed. Is this what teenagers looked like while texting their romantic interest?

The rest of the day was normal. She questioned victims, did paperwork, and interviewed suspects. By some stroke of luck, she was able to leave at 6. As she was on her way out, she called Barba.

"Hey, by some miracle, I'm able to leave at a decent hour. Are you home?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to order something?"

"No, I'll pick you something, my treat. See you in a bit."

Olivia hung up, as she was getting into the elevator. Amanda was a few steps behind her and slid in between the closing doors.

"Hey, Fin, Amaro, and I are going to go get drinks, wanna come?" Rollins offered.

"No thanks. I already have plans." Olivia smiled.

"Aw, man. Bummer. Well, have fun with your take-out date. See you tomorrow Liv."

Amanda slid out of the elevator and disappeared into the small crowd. Olivia sometimes hated working with the nosiest people on this earth.

Olivia ordered Indian and then caught a cab to Barba's. When she got there he had already set the table and was opening a bottle of wine.

"I hope you like Indian because that's what I picked up."

Barba grinned and kissed her on the cheek. "That's what I was going to order. Glad we're on the same page."

They ate until they were too full and drank until they were tipsy. Eventually they stumbled into bed and feel asleep within minutes. These were the nights where their love grew the most.

/ / /

Thankfully, the following morning was a Sunday. They both had the day off. Barba awoke earlier than Olivia. He used this time to make them breakfast. The opportunity to cook didn't arise very often so he gladly took it in stride. He decided to make what his mother would make for him on Sunday mornings, when she had the time to do so. Scrambled eggs mixed with spicy rice, her secret enchilada sauce, and tortillas filled with beans and sausage. Just as he was setting the table and pouring coffee, Olivia came out of the bedroom.

"What smells so good?" Technically that whole sentence was a long yawn but the point was still made.

"Just something mi madre made for me as a kid. It's the best breakfast you'll ever have."

With how much food he ate while he was with her, he began to wonder if he should start exercising more. Then again, he didn't mind. As long as she was happy and well fed, he was happy.

After their great breakfast, they went back to bed. For awhile they laid there in silence, almost dozing off again.

"Hey, Liv. Are you asleep?"

She grumbled but turned to face him, eyes still shut.

"You know I have to talk about all of this."

She sighed, rolling away from him and pulling the covers up over her head.

He laughed softly and scooted closer to her, nuzzling into her neck. "Wakey wakey."

She flopped and turned to face him. This time her eyes were open.

"What do we need to talk about?"

Barba huffed. "There's plenty to talk about."

Olivia sat up against the headboard and Barba followed suit. Before talking, he grabbed her hand and planted a kiss on the back of it.

"To start, I need to know what this is or what this is going to be. I know it's the new thing to "not label" relationships. Call me old fashioned because I need a label."

"This isn't just some rebound or anything. I didn't initiate this out of loneliness. This is something I wanted." She gave his hand a squeeze. "I want to keep our relationship under wraps right now. I know that isn't professional. However, I want to be sure that we will work and it's worth re-arranging our jobs for, okay?"

Barba was reluctant but he nodded anyway. "I understand. I don't like keeping things hidden but I understand your reasons. This can't last forever though. People will start to get suspicious. Especially all those in your squad. They're damn good at what they do."

Olivia huffed. "Yeah, tell me about it."

Barba kissed her gently, before laying back down. She cuddled up to him. "I can't believe that this is actually happening. I was so sure that when this damn soulmate countdown stopped, I would be forever doomed to lo—er, want someone I could never have." Dropping the L word was something he didn't want to do. He silently panicked, hoping she let it slide.

"Regardless of a countdown, Barba, I think no matter what, everything would always lead to this."

They shared a few kisses before they both fell back asleep and enjoyed the first of many Sundays spent together.

* * *

I know this wasn't a particularly exciting chapter but I wanted to get some fluff out there before the action/drama picks back up again! ;)

Enjoy ~


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